Sometimes Autism Is Silent

There are times that Tay just sits and thinks. He is silent. You don't know what is on his mind. He is not happy, he is not sad, he is just there. This picture from Saturday reminds me of that. Again, my son, a piece of me, a part of my soul.

My son, Taylor

Missing Pieces by

Missing pieces video Mark Leland

The song that represents Autism!

People with Autism have people who love them...

I sit and see people at times stare at my son when he doesn't behave the way that most kids his age might. The look of confusion on their faces makes in hard not to notice. These are adults. They should know better. Yet, they don't! That is just so disheartening at times.

I want everyone to know, that even though these kids might seem odd or out of place, they have family that love them, just as you do, or your kids. I want you to know, that by no means is it their choice to have this disability. Whoever would want that? Surely not anyone that I know.

He has two parents that love him, and two sisters that love him and are crazy about him.
My son is lucky... he has 4 grandparents that love him....
He has seven aunts that love him.
He has seven uncles that love him.
He has eleven cousins that love him, soon to be twelve...
He has people that weren't born into our family, but have just become a part of our family.... Kevin, Bernie, Ryan, Dani, Auntie Terrie.

Just know, that these aren't bad kids, or weird kids, or kids with nothing going for them. They are kids with disabilities.

They love
Sometimes they laugh
They feel
Sometimes they cry
They want to be "normal" if they are aware that they are not like the other kids.

The hardest thing to hear as a mother with a son with a disability is, when he tells me he wants to be normal like all the other kids. You don't know how much that breaks my heart.

Next time you think someone is odd, or seems out of place, give them a smile and say hi. You don't know how much it will mean to them.

Demarle Baking Product Drawing When Donating!

June 16th, 2008 through to July 15th 2008 Demarle helps bake a wish!!!


I am not sure if you are familiar with Demarle at Home, but if you are a baker, or a cook, this is something that will benefit your cooking. You will be hooked! You can go to the Demarle site to get more info on their products. I sell these products in my off time, although I have not done a show in months and months due to the issues at hand with Taylor. These products are used by professional chefs and they are made in France. You do not need to use any oils or sprays to help the product not stick to the pans. My daughter has been coming over lately and begging to use some of my personal items at hand to cook with as she is doing bakes sales from time to time at her job. This is technology and you will be one happy cook when you get these in your hot little hands.

I have a little bit of stock on hand, and I am giving this to my daughter to have a drawing at work. These are new, and have never even been used, or taken out of the box until now.

You can donate $5.00 to her fund, and you will get 5 tickets for the drawing. $1. per ticket
You can donate $10.00 to her fund and you will get 15 tickets for the drawing. 67 cents per ticket
You can donate $20.00 to her fund and you will get 40 tickets for the drawing. 50 cents per ticket
You can donate $30.00 to her fund and you will get 90 tickets for the drawing. 33 cents per ticket.
OR
You can donate $40.00 to her fund and you will get 160 tickets for the drawing .25 cents per ticket.

The items that are going to be given as a gift for the donation winner are as follows: I will link them to the demarle page for you!

Flower Mold
Fluted Square Mold
Fluted Bundt Mold

These each are valued at $33.95, which would bring the value to $101.85, and the shipping is included in your donation for the drawing.

Happy Bidding! Good Luck! If you save this for yourself, you will love them. If you save them for gifts for the bakers and chefs in your life, they will love YOU!

Once your donation was made, either through the mail, paypal, in person or by credit card, she will email you, or give to you in person, your ticket numbers.

You can look for the donation key on the left of the page if that is the way you want to do it.

Good night Taylor

I remember when you were little, our saying to each other, between Amanda, You, and Myself, was "Love ya to the moon and back!"

I want you to know son, that even though you may never get to read this blog, that even though you are not a little man now, but a young man, I still love you to the moon and back. Nothing will ever, ever change that son!

When dad and I had to leave to Iowa for that five day trip to move all of our belongings, when you were a little boy, you got really scared, as we had never been away from each other for so long. I sat you on my lap and I told you that we would be sleeping under the same moon and the same stars, so that means our hearts would never be far from each other. Now, I am having to take comfort in those words myself. The words don't sound so convincing to me... I hope that they did for you son. I don't get to say my good nights to you anymore. I miss that son. I miss you. I count the days.... always counting the days to see you again. My heart misses you sO very much.

Today was Father's Day. Tomorrow is sis's birthday. The celebrations aren't nearly as fulfilling without you here to enjoy them with us. But, we keep going.

We miss you son.... and we love you, to the moon and back buddy.... to the moon and back!

A great read on high functioning Aspergers Autism

I was just sitting here reading this. I thought that it was a brilliant article. Hope this enlightens you as well.

Article on high functioning Autism Aspergers

Taylor's Donation Fund If You Would Like To Help

Many people have asked how they can help since they live so far away and can't participate in any of the fund raising efforts. This is how you could help if you chose too. Also your prayers and your comments left for Taylor on the blog brighten his day.

Today is Father's Day!!! Wishing our Taylor was here!

Today is Father's Day. Holidays are bittersweet. Hoping in the future, Taylor will be in a good enough place personally that he will be able to get out of holidays, but for now, that is not something that is allowed.

We are getting ready to go to brunch at Marie Calendars. I really don't want to go. I really want to just stay at home and to be honest, I would really like to stay in bed and just stay there with no obligations at all. But, I won't. I will get up, and be a mommy to Carlie and Amanda to the best of my ability, and a wife to Gordon also to the best of my ability.

We are so lucky that we were able to see Taylor yesterday. We did not tell him it was Father's Day today, as it is so hard for him to know when he misses out on things. Amanda's birthday is also tomorrow, and it would be harder for him knowing he was missing out on two things, not just one. I know Amanda is going to take it hard.

For now, we get up and we get ready to go. We send our morning prayers for Taylor to feel blessed today and surrounded by Jesus Christ's love, and know that he is a Child of God through all of this confusion.

Happy Father's Day to all and thanks for your support.

Happy Father's Day to my dad and my father in law Eddie....

Most of all Happy Father's Day to my husband is who is the best dad to his kids. Thanks for loving them with all your heart and always wanting to be there for them, and wanting what is best for them.

Autism tip of a the day. You can't joke around as much with kids, often times with Autism/Asperger's syndrome. They will take you quite literally many times. If you say, I am so mad, I could just spit, and things of such, they take it in the wrong way. You know how people will get angry or joke in teen years and say, I can't believe that you told him I like him, I will kill you (not good verbage), however, Taylor would avoid that person for sure as he would be afraid of harm or violence.

Good Bye To Auntie Terrie

We went to see Taylor today. We went with Terrie, and Amanda and Spencer were able to come with us also, so it was the whole family.

It was wonderful to see Taylor. They let us through one set of doors, and if you look down the hall, you can see another set with a small window in it. There we saw Taylor standing. Carlie, when she sees him in the small window always squeals and gets excited. It is wonderful to watch her excitement as much as it is to see how happy he is to see her.

Today was a hard day. We were there to obviously see Taylor, but Terrie is about to move back to Los Angeles to be near her family and further her education. We met Terrie through my husband's job at the college. She soon just captured our hearts with her love of people and her sweet and gentle soul. She is Carlie's God Mother, but she is more than that, she is Ohana. She is family. We did not want her to leave and Taylor not be able to say good bye. Remember, he doesn't communicate well, so, his good bye can be harder for him than ours.

We took a picnic lunch and Auntie Terrie made shrimp tempura which is one of Taylor's favorites, along with ours also. We took turkey wraps and fried chicken, a couple salads, and chips. We took soda. Taylor didn't eat a thing. He said his throat hurt. He slept in the sun a lot! Carlie was by his side.

Before the picnic, we were able to go to the gym to play for a bit. Usually he has such a wonderful time there, yet today, he opened a door for fresh air and just sat at the door. Auntie Terrie went and sat by him. It was good....

We decided it was good for us to leave somewhat early as he was so tired and I think that he was running a fever. We had to get some family photos first of all, and so we did. He was patient as you could tell that he would rather be doing other things.

Then, we sat at a table and had to talk to him about Auntie Terrie and this being her last time to see him before she moves. It was heart breaking. He started crying, but would not look at her too much. I told him how it was so okay to cry. I told him when it came to times like this, it is also okay to tell people how they feel. He didn't talk too much, but he did turn to her, and I am not too sure if they even made eye contact, but, he said, I will miss you. My heart hurt for him. My heart hurt for her. My heart hurt for me! He said good bye to her on the unit again.

I am so glad that he had that chance to say good bye to her today. I am so glad he cried and felt some emotion, but I am so proud he could verbalize he would miss her.

Auntie Terrie, we love you, forever. I thank you for being a part of our family and I appreciate you being a part of Taylor's life as well as the girls! Ohana! Family!
ここで入力するテキストを翻訳する

Autism tip of the day! When there is a melt down or a fit thrown, it can be from something several hours, and even days before. There are times that they internalize things and they don't know how to react to them at the moment so it takes time for the feelings to come out.

Concepts of time and money

Taylor has no concept of time or money. Plain simple, no other words for it. It can be in terms of months, weeks, days, or simply, five minutes. He can say, how many minutes can I play this game? We will give him a time limit of let's say 30 minutes. When 30 minutes is up, he simply will not believe that 30 minutes has gone by and has a melt down over the fact it is time to stop playing the game. It is odd. He can look at the clock and it will clearly tell him that it is factual, yet, he still does not believe it.

As for money. $1 and $1,000,000 are the same. The one million dollars does not have a significant value to it. One time this last fall, he took out his savings of $1,200 and he spent it on his friends within two days. Pretty incredible. His friends took advantage of him. After doing so, Taylor had done this on a run away spree, he had gotten in a bike wreck with these friends. He was pretty torn up and bloody, the friends left him downtown as Taylor didn't have enough money to ride the bus back to their house. (This is the same house where the parents were harboring him). He walked about 5 miles to his sister's apartment. He hadn't eaten since breakfast, it was now 1am. He hadn't taken his meds in a couple of days. Things were not good. He had bought them hoodies, video games, jeans. He didn't buy himself one single thing. That is someone preying on his disability. It was not considered theft of course, as Taylor willingly bought it for them. It was just so sad. We live in a middle class neighborhood. We have a nice home we work hard for. If you ask Taylor how much our house payments are, he will say, $5 or $150. There is just no value of the dollar for him.

If we talk directions however, Taylor could be rented out as a GPS tracking device. When Amanda Taylor and I drove to Iowa to live, he was busy in the back playing game boy. Yet, months later when we had to drive back home, to plan the wedding. Taylor could tell us every turn to take from Iowa to Spokane Washington. His mind is like a trap with directions.

Autism Tip of the Day! A lot of times Autistic kids have issues with sleep patterns. They may be awake when others in your home sleep. Due to this they may wander, some staying in the house and leaving the house. It is very important at a young age, to let your child know about his/her disability and be able to communicate to the police that they have autism. We have our son telling police, if he is out, His name and that he has autism which is a form of autism. He knows his dad's cell number by heart, but can't remember our home phone number or address. He can direct you how to get to our house, but can't memorize our address. Also in the sleep patterns, a lot of kids with autism will have night terrors, and yell and scream in their sleep.

There are some people that I want to thank in helping our son....

We were recently transitioned out of Keizer health (Our HMO) for Taylor's disabilities, and counseling. We met with a Dr. Julie and Dr. Rick Bingham. They really didn't get a lot of chances to help or counsel Taylor since when we would go in every two weeks to a month, we would be in crisis. They were more like having to pick up the pieces rather than coaching him into skills. However, they were able to get us in touch with Marion County, and a program called New Solutions. From there things have gone so much easier.

Our first interaction with a Mr. Alvarez. He did the in-take questions on Taylor to get us into the right area. Within a week or so we were contacted by a woman named Sue, and she was amazing. For a mom, running on empty since fall, but continuing to run for the safety and well being of my child, she was exactly what I needed. She was a take charge, this is the steps we need to take kind of gal. It was like she was my manual and I had something to go by. She gave me suggestions to help Taylor with this program or that. She also got me in touch with Tami, who works for Marion county and she is like and advocate for our kids with Asperger's. Although doctors may know the research on Aspergers, they, to be honest, are sometimes very far from being experts when you are the person living with Asperger's and autism. Tami also has a son with Asperger's so that makes it very helpful for us that she knows exactly what we are going through. The funny thing is, for over two years of people knowing that Taylor has Asperger's, Dr. Julie Bingham is the first to tell us about this program. I am getting off track now. Going back to Sue.... she has a very business like approach and appearance, and the first thing that ran through my head was .... Holy Hatties... here we go again, someone that is going to listen and only get half of my story, and this is my son's future. I was so pleasantly surprised. She was so kind and for once in my life, I felt like she listened, and she really *GOT IT*! A new person is now being put on our case, and her name is Daniel. She is very kind and very sweet. She calls to check up on how Taylor is doing. Each of the women at New Solutions seems genuinely interested in Taylor's well being, but go beyond that as they know it affects the whole family. They ask about how we as a family are doing and it is so touching.

At the hospital, his counselor Jessie has become Taylor's voice to us. She is a kind lady and I think that Taylor has connected well with her. They work more one on one with their counselors and staff and only see the doctor for med changes. With this in mind, there are quite a few staff members at the Parry House that Taylor has connected with. Felicia is one of them, and Megan is another. I know that there is the name Nate, but I don't get to hear all of the names of the counselors, as there are so many. I just am grateful for the attention and care you are giving my son while he is away from our home.

I can not leave out a lady named Kim at DD services. She has worked rapidly when getting paperwork on our son since he is rapidly approaching 18. I appreciate the attention and care that you have given our case.

Raymond Tuttle is yet another person that has helped get Taylor on some paths that he would not have been on. It was playing phone tag for a bit since he is such a busy man, but we appreciate him knowing it went beyond Taylor's control at times.

I know that through Taylor's life we will have many more to thank, and the list will grow. For now, I want those people recognized.

Also, Taylor's Kindergarten teacher Ms. Aspas always showed so much attention and love for Taylor. He still mentions her.... as well as Mr. Nimo who helped him in Albany.

Asperger's Tip of the Day: People that have Asperger's often are considered heartless at times. They don't have too much sympathy or empathy in situations. It isn't that they are trying this. Their brains just don't understand emotions too much, so if for instance he would run away and we would be up all night worrying about him, he couldn't understand what the big deal was. He was going to come back, so why be so upset? They don't understand it. Every so often we can see him trying to relate to something. Our neighbors dog was lost, and he got frantic, as he really loves his dog, and he really seemed to understand their emotion, but that is far and few between!

My brother has become my inspiration

My 20th birthday is approaching in only days, and though I am still young, I've realized that I need to steadily begin to look into career options. For years, I have wanted to do hair, and work in swanky little salons. It just seemed so glamorous. However, with the obstacles that my family and I have faced with Taylor..I have realized that hair isn't good enough. I always liked the thought of making someone feel beautiful when they walked out of my salon, but I would much rather make someone feel beautiful on the inside. I have decided that I want to dedicate my life to children with special needs and emotional issues. I want to make each and every one of these children feel loved. When I die, I want to be able to look back and remember all of the people who's heart I was able to heal, not the ones who I gave a trim to, and applied highlights. I want to mentor, and talk and listen. I want to hold hands that haven't been held and dry tears that run down little cheeks. But I don't want to limit myself to just special needs. I also want to help those that have been sexually assaulted and raped. I want to educate these girls on how to feel productive and beautiful in non-destructive ways, and I want to help them get back on their feet without the agony of feeling like it's their fault. All in all, I am going to help and touch as many lives as I can. And I have Taylor to thank for all of it. He is forever my brother and forever my inspiration, and because of him, I am determined to change the lives of millions.

Should people be able to harbor a runaway with special needs?

I know that there are some teens that run away because there are many issues at home. Some kids are not safe. I understand that. However, if a teen runs away due to having special needs and not being able to communicate, should the parents of the home that the teen runs to be able to just continue harboring them? That is a question you should ask yourself. If the parents have a family that are constantly drinking in the home beyond a glass of wine, but where they are drunk, or they have drugs in their home. Is that acceptable?

This is what was happening to our teen, with Autism. When he was unable to communicate well, his defense was to run... and he was running to homes (2) with little to no supervision. We went to the parents, and we spoke to them by phone and in person. We told them the situation at hand and told them that our son was special needs and that he needed to be at home. When we would go to their home to return our son and bring him home, there would be lies that he was not there. The parents many times would not be home and there would be 20 kids or more outside playing and causing hell on the neighborhood. Sometimes the parents would just be getting out of bed... sometimes drunk, sometimes high. They told Taylor to tell the police that he was beaten at home, and the police would not make him go home. So, Taylor did. We had countless interviews with the police and it was discovered that no, we don't beat our son. In fact, the police told us to restrain our son at all lengths to keep him from leaving. We disagreed. To even hold Taylor's arm from walking away would be considered or mistaken by him as an attack. Someone would surely be hurt off of what the officers advice was. We were ordered off of the properties of the people that were harboring our son and told never to come back again. We followed those words so we would not be breaking the law. Our only recourse the police told us was to each time Taylor ran away, call the parents tell them to return him and then call the police. We once again complied. Many times the police would not even come to help. They said Taylor was just running a game. The had told us that it is not against the law to runaway but it is against the law to interfere with parental rights. We were to call them each and every time Taylor ran away. Again, many times they refused to go there. We explained to them about the danger he was in in those homes. With autism, he was at risk to the influence of drugs and alcohol and that is what was in those homes. They said that they would arrest the parents the next time they had Taylor in their home. They caught him an additional three times for sure by searching the home or threatening the mother, yet, still no arrests to her or the father, of either homes.

When Taylor would run away we would go door to door in the neighborhood with a photo of our son. We would tell the people he was autistic and we needed them to be our eyes and ears to find our son when he would run as he would surely be in that neighborhood. Each and every neighbor told us, get your son away from those kids, they are no good. They even were leaving death threats (the kids) on one of the neighbors doors, but they couldn't prove it was those kids as they did not see them put it on the door. It was HELL working with the police. Here we are trying to follow the laws, when you really want to tell them what you think and go to their door, but we tried to do what was right.

Now, through the media, we have found out that one of the homes had a father that was a sexual abuser. FANTASTIC. He had been on record for years so they police knew this when they pulled up to their house and we were standing there.

We have to establish laws for runaways and the people that harbor them. We especially have to do so for children with disabilities. They don't understand life like a normal teen. The answer is also not sending them to a drug and alcohol hospital. That is not what is wrong with the kids.

Please help pass the laws that we need.

Officially Today

Today was a feel sorry for myself day.... or more of a feel sorry for my son day. Today is official. He has been officially diagnosed as disabled. I have such mixed emotions about it. When the call came, I felt numb.

This will get the services he needs to stay safe. Without it, he could have ended up in a road leading nowhere as he isn't capable of taking care of himself properly and keeping himself safe and out of harms way. So this is good news.

Disabled, also a bitter word in my mouth for my son and his future. I would rather think of it as Delayed able... if there were such a thing. However, we will go with it...

It is funny how my mind races when in stressful times like this. When I was pregnant with Taylor, I worked at a place called Swackhammer's. It was a family restaurant and at night it was a night club. One of the bartender's there, Thomas, was expecting a baby at the same time I was expecting Taylor. We were within a couple of months of each other. He and his wife, Melody, were due before I was.

One night Simon (Thomas's best friend and a fellow bar tender there) came in and said Thomas was not going to be at work that day, that he was at the hospital and they were having their baby. All night long, we took turns running to the pay phone in the back making the calls to the hospital to see if they baby had been born. Finally at the end of our shift, past 2:30am in the morning we found out they had a baby girl. Simon was connected to Thomas. Thomas told him that the baby was not going to live. She was born with major birth defects and they thought that she would maybe make it a week or so being on machines. She was in pain, so they parents had to choose whether to disconnect her from the machines, and hold her until she passed, or keep her hooked up and be with her that week or so. They chose to disconnect. They held their baby for those few hours and she passed away in their arms. They named her. They talked to her and cooed at her... but mostly they cried. I felt so guilty... he had to come to work and see me pregnant when he just lost his beautiful baby girl. It was so sad. They came to my baby shower. I felt horrible. They were strong.

I sit and I feel blessed. Here is my son. God, where would I be if I would have lost him at birth? He has taught me so much. I love him so much. He is a part of me. No matter what his disability is, it is better than what happened to Thomas and Melody's baby girl. I have been blessed with this son. He might have issues, but who doesn't?

In no way am I saying that this is easy, but this is so much better than what it can be. I can't imagine if Taylor's autism was so severe that I would never hear the word *mom*, or more common for him *mama* out of his mouth.

He teaches me to be unselfish. Today as I was talking to him about great days ahead so we could picnic with him on the weekend, I asked what he wanted me to bring for the picnic. This is a boy who loves his mom's cooking, and says the food there is horrible (doubtful) and his response is... don't worry about me mom, anything will be fine. Me, if I were without my favorite things, there would be a huge list.

Just was thinking about my son and needed to journal this....

Yesterday we had a run away scare...

Yesterday I was at home feeling not too good from some tests that I am going through due to some stomach issues. I was in bed, and I got a call. I saw that it was from the hospital that our son is staying at. I was so happy I was going to get to talk to him, yet, I was in for a shock.

The counselor on the other end introduced herself and said that Taylor was a runaway from the hospital. My HEART SUNK! I am about 70 or so miles from there, so I couldn't run outside and just look for him. She said that he had been in a good place all morning, but when he had gone to school there on the grounds, someone or something and had made him mad and he ran out of the building. My heart just hurt. The hospital is in an area that isn't really a bad area, but it is very unfamiliar to us since we don't live there and that scared us a lot. There is also a high school near by and there are always kids out there so I was afraid if Taylor would run to one of them that would happen to be in the wrong crowd. I was afraid he would be hit by a car, as it is on a very busy street. I was afraid, as it was cold and he had no coat on. I immediately called my husband, and we were just in pure shock! We were helpless to say the least!!! They had called the police and they were there scouring the area. I started thinking and called them back. Taylor will hide under bushes if he is afraid... they needed to know that. I relayed that message.
About an hour or so later, the call came in that they had found Taylor. He was on the property, down at his garden on site. That made me feel such a relief. They were trying to talk him back to the unit. They promised to have him call me when he reached there. Not too long afterwards, the call came in. It was Taylor, and you could hear the disappointment in his voice. I told him that we had been so worried. In his mind, there was nothing wrong with what he had done as he had stayed on campus. He doesn't understand the worry or concern. I told him that I hoped he could get to the place where he could talk about things like that with the staff instead of running. I told him how PROUD I was to have him make such a good choice of not leaving campus as that would have been so dangerous. He was just speaking to me in Uh-huh, and uh-uh answers. What had lead him to his meltdown was there was a stereo in the classroom. He was either trying to adjust the volume or the channel and the worker told him it was not his to touch, and that he needed to ask permission. He took the cue wrong (very normal for him or Asperger's kids) and saw it as a threat or a challenge. Instead of posturing, which he does from time to time.... he just decided to run!

Which, leads me to the Autism Tip of the Day: We need to pass laws and insist that our police force take educational training on people with disorders. We have had to deal with the police on many occasions when Taylor is a run away. Many of them get very cocky with a very know it all attitude on troubled teens. My son is not a troubled teen, he is a young man with a disability. I am not saying this for my son's protection but for anyone's protection that has a disability. We have had parenting lectures again and again from the police, which might work on a normal child without disabilities, but they don't work on someone with autism. We have been told to hold our son down with physical force, which will get the situation so out of control that someone would get hurt. They need to know facts about disorders and not give out poor information for people that don't have the resources to find the answers. They need to be equipped with support in the area for disabilities. We, believe it or not, had one officer tell us that Taylor is always so nice and such a good kid, he just didn't understand it.... DUH!!!! You don't live with it, you haven't been trained. He went on to tell us that he almost tased Taylor with a Taser Gun to *TEACH HIM A LESSON*! Is this serving and protecting the community or is this being an ASS? We have had one tell us that Gordon must be the step dad and this is the reason for the outburst. We have had them tell us to put him into a hospital that they saw a lot of success rate.... it was a drug and alcohol hospital. It is so ridiculous the info they have. Again that hospital may be good for a kid on drugs or alcohol, but put Taylor in a not good place. We, the community must make sure that people with disabilities are being treated as so. We, the parents of these young people with disabilities must also teach our kids that they need to tell the officers their name, their telephone number and that they have Asperger's which is a form of Autism, otherwise the police won't know.

On the flip side, we have had three of four officers returning Taylor from run away status that are very kind and really tried diligently.

Tomorrow's subject is also about laws of harboring a runaway, and what we as a community needs to do about that, especially when the runaway has a disability.

Obsessions and phobias with autism

Obsessions, we all have them in one fashion or another! Some of us more than others. Many times they don't compare to an obsession that someone with autism has! They get fixated on specific items, and they have a very difficult time breaking away from it. This is different than what their gift is... but sometimes they do seem to intermingle a bit.

For our son, his obsessions are several things. Remember he is almost 18, but his mind is not that of 18. He loves pokemon cards. It is fascinating to me as the creator of these also has Asperger's Syndrome. He also loves match box cars and must have over 600 of them or so. He also loves to play video games. This is also one of his talents however. He can master a game within days of buying the new game. He really likes transformers and also bionicles from Legos? He likes magnetic links that link together also.

As for phobias. He is REALLY afraid of the dark. He hates the dark. Even when he was running away, he would tell his sister that he would stay in very well lit areas. He always has been afraid. He also is fearful of needles. I am also, but not to the extent that Taylor is. I remember when he was like four, we went to get a shot. I would always have to hold him in my lap as he would get the shot to try to calm him down. With that in mind, the doctor had taken him off of my lap to go pick out a band aid. They had spiderman, and different animations. The doctor thought this was a good idea to get him mind off of things. As the doctor went to the cupboard to get the band aid of choice, we were chatting, and Taylor opened the door and was running out the building. Very scary at the time as the office was on a busy street, but, as years pass, we still get a lot of chuckles from that one.

Taylor loves the pool or anywhere that he is able to swim. He can be in there for hours and not even have a thought to get out. It is very amusing! He isn't really too strong of a swimmer, but he can hold his own. I can honestly say, when he is in water, he is happy. It has always been that way. Now, taking a shower is another story. We have to constantly remind him to shower. It isn't that he doesn't want to really, just that he gets side tracked and we have to keep telling him. Once he is in there, he won't get out. He loves water, once again.

Autism tip of the day: Often times kids that have Aspergers really don't think about how others will view them. With that in mind, they might want to wear the same clothes day in and day out, no matter how many clothes you buy them. Their hair is often unkept and many times their clothes can be wrinkly or not really match well, or not match the elements. It isn't really that they don't care what others might think, it just really never crosses their mind.

Please forward this site to everyone you know....

We are keeping a list of where people are visiting the site from and telling Taylor when we we him. He knows we have a site for autism and it excites him that we are trying to educate people with tips of the day about autism, so people will more readily recognize it when they see it. Thank you!

Why I want to take Taylor to Disneyland

The last time we were in Disneyland, I was 10-years-old, and Taylor was about 7. Of course we were both excited. As soon as we entered the gates, Taylor kind of squealed, and I expected him to run right in and go to the first ride he could find, but surprisingly enough, i remember feeling his little hand grab mine and getting a little sqeeze. It's like he wanted me to be by his side the entire time. Taylor loved the Swiss Family Robinson tree house, and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. They were such a boyish adventure for him. We searched for Mikey so that he could shake the hands of this little boy that loved him so much. He was laughing and pointing at all of the details that only he could notice. I wanted to go on the Haunted Mansion ride, and he was so scared, but he did it to stay with me. He went on it just for me. He held on to my leg, and put his head on my shoulder, but he was the bravest of boys in there. Our time there was full of Taylor smiles. I haven't seen those smiles for years.
So before Taylor has to go to a more permanent home in October, I want to be able to take him and my family to Disneyland one more time. That is all he wanted when we asked him if he wanted to anything before having to go. And now that we have Spencer in our lives, he won't go unless he is with us, so I have a little more fund-raising to do than I had planned origionally. Taylor has been sad for so many years; I want to see that Disney smile just one more time. I want to be able to put him on all of those rides, and take him to see the pirates. I want to stay for the fireworks, and have Mikey shake his hands that are now the hands of a young man. I want to try to walk in the parade and show all the happy people the brother I am so proud of and love so much. More than anything, I want Taylor to have one more happy memory before he has to go away. I want him to see how much I love him, and how much dreams really can come true. Just like Walt Disney had that *Dream* and look where that dream took him! Thank you to all who have done your part in buying my baked goods, and giving us donations. You are such a big part in helping me grant this wish...and thank you to all of those who read this. Sometimes just knowing that people are hearing Taylor's story is enough of a dream come true. Please continue buying so I can give him the wish of a lifetime. It is one time in his life, he can be Taylor and not worry about people bullying him or taunting him, but just really be there to have fun. Take a look at my brother. How could I say no to a face like that? ~ Thanks, Amanda

A thanks to our parents....

I was up most of the night in bed last night and I continued to think again and again, of things that are GREAT in Taylor's life. I just kept coming back to family. I kept coming back to he has SO many people who love him, between Aunties and Uncles, cousins, & Grandparents.

My mind drifted back to when I was pregnant with my first child, Amanda. I was living in Hawaii at the time and my ex-husband was out in the field with the Army. My mom and I were on the phone just talking girl talk and the excitement I had for my first child, and my mom her first grandchild. I remember this conversation like it was yesterday. I told her that there could be nothing wrong with the baby as I did not think that I could handle being the mother of a child with special needs. She told me that of course I could... you just do it and love them like any other child as you are the one that carried them in your womb, and they are your baby. Amanda came out without any issues (other than being stubborn *somewhat like her mom*). So here I am over 20 years later, going back on that conversation and I am shameful. Here I am, a mom of a child, not even a child, a young man, with a disability. I love him as much as Amanda, and I love him as much as Carlie. I feel really bad for him, as I feel like I have let him down. I feel like he deserves a better mom. Logically I know that is not true, and that I have tried everything in my power, but that is how my heart feels.

Back to our parents... I am so glad that Gordon's parents raised him to be a good man. I am so glad that I found a good dad for our kids. It sounds very odd, but I am so glad that Taylor's biological father has chosen to not take an active role in his life. On one hand it stinks because each and every child deserves to know their dad. It doesn't effect Taylor like it does Amanda. Gordy is HER DAD through and through, and anyone ignorant enough not to think so is just that very silly. However, on the other hand, perhaps it does effect Taylor just as much but he just doesn't know how to communicate that frustration. I am not sure. We check in with him often to see if he has any questions about his biological father. The only questions that have come out of him so far, are, 1) Didn't he have a small car like that mom? 2) He was in the military, right? What kind of military? (Meaning which branch) 3) He lives in Texas right? That is really close to Mexico, right? And last, but not least... 4) His hair was really thick like mine wasn't it mom? That is it. I really do believe that in my heart, God does know our outcome far before we do and it is in HIS plans. I know that Gordy was brought to us by God to father my kids, which he does so well. That comes from his upbringing, and learning to be a man of honor and kindness. Our kids are great kids and many lessons that they have learned are from Gordy, and they deserve the best dad, and they have gotten that from him. In the same token, Gordy deserves great kids that would also teach him and love him unconditionally and our kids do that. They are proud of their dad, and he is proud of them.

My parents, I need to thank for showing me persistence. I think that it worries them when I cry a lot or get really upset, or discouraged with the situations that we face with this disability. They have no more answers than we do. Sometimes, what they don't understand is I don't need an answer or a fix it, I just need an ear to listen to me. They do very much, but, naturally being a parent they want to help fix my issue. I know they can't do that as much as they know. However, it is in their hearts trying to protect me. In reality telling me not to cry, or be upset is like saying don't breathe, or don't blink. It happens naturally and that is just how it is. What I want them to know, is I will be ok. Taylor will be ok. We will get through this. It is harder than anyone will know that hasn't gone through it, but I will be ok. They have taught me to be a strong person, and I think that being stubborn also helps a bit. It doesn't mean I am not going to go through depression or sadness, or that my heart won't break in a million pieces. What it does mean is that I have Faith that God will guide me through this and help me put the million pieces back together again.

I remember when my youngest sister left for college. I called my mom from work to make sure that she was okay. She was so sad and weepy on the phone. She really had a broken heart for that time. It was hard. It was her last, her baby, and now she was gone. It is similar to that. Although Taylor is not my last, he is still also my baby... and especially since he was born with this disorder. The difference is, my sister (who I love a lot) was leaving to become more successful as a person. She was going to college. She was going to get a better education from a great college. My son, is going to have a group of team meet his needs as he is high needs. He is not going to get an education but perhaps some training to read social cues, and learn how to somewhat be able to function on his own. I worry people will take advantage of him. I worry, and this is a BIG ONE, he won't need me anymore. I still don't know if he thinks I am abandoning him. It is similar in ways but so different in ways, and ways that words will never begin to describe, EVER.

My mom and dad both went through many different things in their growing up that have made them who they are. They had hardships and trials and they came out okay, and we will also. We teach our children strength weather we believe so or not, through daily living.

So, thanks everyone, that has helped form us into the people that we are. No matter how bad it gets, we, as a family will make it! We will!

Asperger's Syndrome Tip of the Day: Someone with Asperger's doesn't know how to read social cues. They don't know people's space or limits. They can't read body language well, if at all. Sometimes they don't understand social elements either, such as in a basketball game where guys smack each other's rear ends, to him, they were either trying to hurt him, or wanting to pick a fight.