Sunday, June 8, 2008
For those of you that live out of town and asked how you could donate
We appreciate it. I will see if this keeps itself updated. If not, I will update. Thanks for asking how you could help. Also, if you would rather, there is an address on the side bar how to send a card to Taylor with words of encouragement. Also, if you would like to email him at Bakingawish@yahoo.com, we will also be printing those off for him and taking them when we go to visit him.
The alarming rate in the growth of autism
They now say that one out of every 150 kids will have autism, here in the U.S.! This is simply devastating with such a high growth rate. There is a lot in the news about autism being developed by a shot given to our children. I do believe that this is true in some cases. I don't think that this is my son's case, but can't ignore those that have seen this in their children. It is very sad!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
How our mind forgets things as we get old....
As we were at the hospital with Taylor yesterday, we were having a conversation with his counselor. Taylor decided to attend the session with us which is the first time since he has been there. I was impressed. I wasn't feeling well due to my stomach issues at hand, so although I was listening, I was not really whole heartedly all there. I was more into just watching Taylor play with Carlie on the floor, and that was good enough for me, I let Gordon, momentarily handle the rest of it.
Since we have moved to Salem, Taylor has been going by the name Jonathan. That is his given name, and Taylor is his middle name. When he switched schools, and they started doing roll call, they would call him Jonathan, and he would just let it be, as once again his communication skills aren't the best and he doesn't like to stand out in a crowd. On one hand it was fine with me, so I never through a fit or anything like that about it. It was his name after all.... yet, a part of me did hurt. His biological father's name is John, and he has done (NOTHING) for our son, and I thought, why should that man that hasn't invested a moment of his time into our son get such recognition. However, I don't want to be a bitter woman. There are good things about the name Jonathan also... my dad's middle name is John, and his grandfather who's name is also John... so as with many things in life, there is the good with the bad, and that is what I want to go with... the good! Some of the hard parts of Taylor's life have been with him always. Some other hard parts of Taylor's life have come and been with him during his period of going by Jonathan. Again, a grain of salt, but still there.
I hear her fully but I am pretty transfixed on Taylor. I am trying to memorize his words and his actions until I can see him again next week. Give me some memories for when I am at home laying in bed crying and missing you. He is playing pac man with Carlie and explaining that it doesn't have volume on it. I hear the counselor say that as of the day before (Thursday) that Jonathan had decided that he wanted to be called Taylor. Now, he has always been Taylor at home with us... always. But to hear those words make my heart just so happy. I asked him to make sure. He siad yes, that was his decision. So now, our son is back to Taylor!!!! Legally he will always be a Jonathan. When he is 18, if he chooses, he can also change his last name to Toyama without having to have any sort of permission from his biological father.
We visited with Taylor. We had brought him in some more soap, shampoo, toothpaste, face wash and things like that so we labeled them all. We also brought in snacks for his snack drawer and labeled all those. He wanted us to go to his room and visited. Now the rooms that we speak of, are just squares with a bed in there (Taylor just has a mattress on the floor. During one of his meltdowns, he took apart his bed with no tools. He unscrewed everything with his fingers. They are like captains beds... very solid wood.) They had to remove it from his room as they can't have anything in there that would hurt him. Sooooo.... for now, until they can get his bed back together, he has a mattress on the floor). He has a couple of photos on the the wall that he has colored, but other than that, just a mattress on the floor. He does have his comforter and pillows from home. (That reminds me, mental note, need to take some lavender spray for his pillows at night, as it might make him feel more at home and help him sleep). So, restitution for pulling the bed apart, helping the maintenance man put it back together and also helping him do some other projects on the unit. In reality, I bet Taylor is acting like it is restitution, but in reality he LOVES doing things like this and he is going to be loving it!!!
Carlie immediately got on the bed and starting playing with Taylor, jumping on him and having a good time. They were laughing and giggling. They started getting pretty loud. It made me cry when Carlie saw Taylor as she was sO excited that she started doing this really high pitched squeal and jumping. He was behind a locked door, so she couldn't get to him yet, but she was just squealing so loud. He kept waiving to her through the window and he had the biggest smile. It made me feel so blessed my kids love each other so very much. Amanda sent us a photo of herself on the cell phone... it was her, holding up a piece of paper that said, I (insert a big heart here) U Taylor! Again, it is amazing to me how much our kids love each other. He got a few tears welling in his eyes off of that one, but never let them out.
Back to the conversation with the counselor about Taylor's sudden need for a name change. I then focused on Gordy and Jessie, his counselor. We talked about how we really hadn't pushed him to go by Taylor when he decided everyone at school would know him as Jonathan. We talked about wanting Taylor to feel comfortable in his own skin. We even talked about (and if my siblings are reading this, I know you are shaking your heads, along with my folks....) how I wanted to change my name in high school, never to my middle name, and let me say, I went on this kick, three times. Gordon then started telling a story that I had totally forgot that brought back so many memories. (Am I so old that my mind forgets everything, even important things so quickly?...... don't answer that!) There was a time that my husband and I knew that we would marry. We wanted the kids, since they were old enough, we felt, to pick which name they wanted to go by, what their opinions were. They could go by their legal last name, or they could go by Gordon's if they chose to do so. Amanda right away decided to go by Gordon's last name. Taylor on the other hand, wanted it all.... he wanted to go by his last name, and Gordy's. Not only that, he also wanted to go by Gordy's first and middle names, and his own and it went something like this. Jonathan Gordon Taylor Keith Medelez Toyama. At the time Gordy and I would laugh and laugh, but we told him that he had to cut it down a bit. What an important thing in my life I had forgotten, and it speaks volumes of how much he loves his dad. My heart filled with so much love from that memory yesterday.
We left after our visit with him yesterday. He seemed a bit bored with us, and it was about time to eat lunch and we didn't want for him to miss that. He walked us to the door that locks him in. He gave Carlie a hug, Me a hug, Carlie a hug, Gordy a hug and Carlie a hug. We talked about having a great week so we can go outside next week for a picnic as Amanda and Spencer are going with us so we can celebrate Amanda's birthday! I am hoping Spencer brings his camera and can do some family type shots for us. I am hoping it is sunny. We talked about how much we love him. We talked about how he is ALWAYS our son! We said good bye. As we leave, my body becomes numb again. A part of ME is stuck in that building, in that hospital. I leave a part of me there every time and I begin to go back to that numb state.
We got a call from the hospital in the afternoon. Apparently a few hours after we left, Taylor kicked out the plexi glass window from his room. I am not sure how he did it as his mattress is on the floor and the window is at least four feet up. They said he cut up his foot and they had to have the nurse come over and look at it. He was hobbling around on it. When the had to have a sit down with him, to find out if it was out of boredom or frustration, he told them, I didn't want my family to leave. Again, heartbreaking for a mom to hear. Again, trying to be strong, but feel a bit more numb! I talked to him twice after that call last night. i stayed calm, calm is good for Taylor even when I feel in hysterics. I told him how much it hurts for my heart to walk out of that hospital without him, and that we all feel the same as he does, but we have to reach deep inside and be strong, We have to do what is best for him and his future. He seemed to understand, but he doesn't show tons of emotions unless we are in that meltdown stage or having a great time stage. In my heart, I feel he knows he is loved.
Friday, June 6, 2008
For Today.....
Just for a couple of hours. That would be about 120 minutes.... and that would be in about 2 hours, I get to see my son. I will get to hug him, I will get to kiss him and just be near him. Today, for that amount of time, I will focus on nothing but him. Today I am so lucky. So for now, it is time to get ready and go be with my son. I know a lot of tears will be shed. I know I won't want to leave. But for now, I just need to get ready to go see my son!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Making friends
I just want to remind others, that I am giving tips of the day on autism and Asperger's Syndrome, yet, each child, each case can be different. These are stories of my son. These are stories about our life. Obviously they are all going to vary from home to home or person to person.
Most people with Asperger's have real issues when it comes to making friends. They think so differently, that it is hard for people to relate to them. In most cases, and in Taylor's case until only recently, he was the same way. He could care less if someone liked him or not. He had better things to do with his time. There are match box cars, legos, pokeman cards, video games and computer games. Who could want more?????
Since most of the people really don't care, then there are some things that go along with that. They don't care what their hair looks like, or if they have taken a shower or brushed their teeth. There really is not a point in their mind. It may be a part of their routine, as implemented by the family, but if that was not there, then, it would never happen.
Our Taylor has been wanting to make friends in the past couple of years. He really fell into the wrong crowd when a group of kids said that he could be their friend and they would protect him from the bullies. GREAT.... right? What every mother wants, someone sticking up for her son. Well these kids were very unsupervised kids whose parents don't give a darn about them. There were MANY issues. Taylor learned the hard way that they were using him. They took advantage of him. They used him and threatened him if he ever ratted them out. We went to the school about this. We did everything that we could, even getting the police involved. Where did that lead us???? Telephone calls in the middle of the night that were vulgar and threatening. We had one mother come to my home wanting to beat me up as I kept sending the police each time she would harbor my disabled child each time he ran away due to not being able to communicate. It was a HUGE mess!!!!
That then led Taylor into seeking friendships to people that were nice to him. Sometimes we are nice to people because it is the right thing to do, not because we want to be best buds with them. We have some people that really were trying to be nice to our son, and our son took that as them being his closest friends. They were over at our home often, so it was natural for them to connect with him. Now the social part of things however.... for example, as examples are the best. We had a birthday party for Taylor. He wanted it to be a poker party so that is what we did. We had a kitty of junk food.... chips, popcorn, sodas, candy, etc....etc... etc.... We invited people over that had been over to our home many times before and considered a part of our family. They were here to celebrate Taylor. We had the roughest time getting Taylor off of the computer. The social skills just aren't there. It was hard to watch but we kept trying to re direct him.
He would then run to these people when he wasn't able to communicate. He would run to them when he would no longer want to go to school for frustration in failing grades and for being bullied, and for fear. Instead of now sitting with those people that he wants to be his friend, he would get their attention and run from them also. It makes no sense to someone like you or I, yet, that is Taylor and that is how his brain works.
Autism Tip of the day! Early signs of autism in a small child are movements that repeat themselves. For many, this is flapping their hands. For some, it is clapping their hands often, and my son did this when he was small... for everything, he clapped. Sometimes it is a slow and steady rocking movement, and sometimes it is sitting on the floor and turning on their heineys in circles. I don't know if it was a sign of autism or not, but my son used to slobber on himself a lot when he was smaller. I would say that persisted until he was 7 or 8 a lot, but got somewhat better and stopped pretty much at 10. If he gets really worked up now, he will slobber from time to time.
Most people with Asperger's have real issues when it comes to making friends. They think so differently, that it is hard for people to relate to them. In most cases, and in Taylor's case until only recently, he was the same way. He could care less if someone liked him or not. He had better things to do with his time. There are match box cars, legos, pokeman cards, video games and computer games. Who could want more?????
Since most of the people really don't care, then there are some things that go along with that. They don't care what their hair looks like, or if they have taken a shower or brushed their teeth. There really is not a point in their mind. It may be a part of their routine, as implemented by the family, but if that was not there, then, it would never happen.
Our Taylor has been wanting to make friends in the past couple of years. He really fell into the wrong crowd when a group of kids said that he could be their friend and they would protect him from the bullies. GREAT.... right? What every mother wants, someone sticking up for her son. Well these kids were very unsupervised kids whose parents don't give a darn about them. There were MANY issues. Taylor learned the hard way that they were using him. They took advantage of him. They used him and threatened him if he ever ratted them out. We went to the school about this. We did everything that we could, even getting the police involved. Where did that lead us???? Telephone calls in the middle of the night that were vulgar and threatening. We had one mother come to my home wanting to beat me up as I kept sending the police each time she would harbor my disabled child each time he ran away due to not being able to communicate. It was a HUGE mess!!!!
That then led Taylor into seeking friendships to people that were nice to him. Sometimes we are nice to people because it is the right thing to do, not because we want to be best buds with them. We have some people that really were trying to be nice to our son, and our son took that as them being his closest friends. They were over at our home often, so it was natural for them to connect with him. Now the social part of things however.... for example, as examples are the best. We had a birthday party for Taylor. He wanted it to be a poker party so that is what we did. We had a kitty of junk food.... chips, popcorn, sodas, candy, etc....etc... etc.... We invited people over that had been over to our home many times before and considered a part of our family. They were here to celebrate Taylor. We had the roughest time getting Taylor off of the computer. The social skills just aren't there. It was hard to watch but we kept trying to re direct him.
He would then run to these people when he wasn't able to communicate. He would run to them when he would no longer want to go to school for frustration in failing grades and for being bullied, and for fear. Instead of now sitting with those people that he wants to be his friend, he would get their attention and run from them also. It makes no sense to someone like you or I, yet, that is Taylor and that is how his brain works.
Autism Tip of the day! Early signs of autism in a small child are movements that repeat themselves. For many, this is flapping their hands. For some, it is clapping their hands often, and my son did this when he was small... for everything, he clapped. Sometimes it is a slow and steady rocking movement, and sometimes it is sitting on the floor and turning on their heineys in circles. I don't know if it was a sign of autism or not, but my son used to slobber on himself a lot when he was smaller. I would say that persisted until he was 7 or 8 a lot, but got somewhat better and stopped pretty much at 10. If he gets really worked up now, he will slobber from time to time.
The Race Where He Was A Winner
Here it is at after 1 AM and I am up from a not so good dream, can't go back to sleep, so it is time to write about a memory of Taylor that will be a lesson in life for me always.
Taylor is fast! He can run really fast, but is better at long distance running rather than sprinting like Amanda is. He was in the boys and girls club track for a couple of years in Jr. High School and loved it. He did really well. So well that one year he qualified for the Hershey Meet, and he went to the State competition that was held in Eugene Oregon. His age group was from like 12-16 year olds, if I remember correctly.
The big day came. We gathered as a family. At the time we were the host family for two Japanese International Students that were studying at OSU for a year. We invited them to go with us also. We all loaded in the van very early in the morning! We headed for Eugene with high hopes and high spirits. Our son was at a state track tournament.
If you have been a friend of the family you would know that Taylor was always very small for his age. So small in fact that as he was in the 5th or 6th grade, he was like 50 or 60 lbs. His voice, didn't start changing until about two years ago. He was always just slow growing.
When we got to the meet, and we saw the size of the kids in his age group, we worried for him. He was about 4 and a half feet tall to five feet, and one of his competitors was about 6 feet tall if not taller. The others weren't that much smaller than the tallest boy. I remember a flash glance from Gordy. We said not one word but of encouragement to Taylor. Taylor seemed unaware of the differences or what advantages it would give the older boys. They were on the high end of the age range and he was on the low. The same went for size also.
The line up came for his race, which was the mile. As we stood in the crowd, it was so odd looking at the runners, you could hardly see Taylor as they hovered over him. He was just a little guy. From the moment of the race, and shot, the taller, older boys were ahead of Taylor. He kept going. They were putting further and further distance between themselves and Taylor, yet Taylor seemed so unaffected by the disadvantage. He just kept running. It finally happened, they started passing him, meaning they were a whole lap ahead of Taylor. The first person crossed the finish line and Taylor had over a lap to go. You could tell he was hot and he was tired. I thought at any minute he was going to fall over from heat or exhaustion. As the first person crossed the finish line, the international students, Risa and Mayu looked at us, and at that moment we were all on the same page, our hearts hurt for Taylor. He kept plugging along. He never lost hope. He never gave up. As he did that last lap, you could hear my husband rooting him on. I sat, with tears in my eyes at first, at the sheer love and compassion that my husband has for our son. I then heard Amanda, and then Mayu and Risa. We stood united as a family to encourage Taylor to not give up, to never give up. The crowd also started clapping for him and cheering him on the last quarter lap. He crossed the line and his dad was waiting there with a hug for him. He was such a good sport, going to the other young men and shaking their hands. Here we were all emotional and worried for Taylor and he was just so excited to get his shirt and have his picture taken with the scoreboard in the back that would have his name in lights on it.
God give me strength to always run the race even if I am in last place. Let me learn by my son's determination. Let him understand, sometime God, please let him understand the love and devotion of his family that cares about him and will always be sitting at the finish line with a hug and encouragement no matter how long it takes him to cross that line.
God, thanks SOOOOO much for such a wonderful and caring man that I have in Gordon to encourage and guide our children. Thank you for the love that my girls have for Taylor and each other. You bless me with these gifts. Give me strength, courage and direction. I need all these things now.
Aspergers Syndrome/ Autism Tip of the day: Routine. Somebody with Autism works best in a world of strictly routine. It is best that they get up at the same time each day, eat at the same time and keep their meals at the same time, along with chores and other rituals in their daily lives. Sometimes because of the non communicative portion of the disability it gets really tricky when the routine is not met. If I am late getting home or if dinner is not ready at the right time, since he needs that routine and he lacks the ability to communicate his frustration with me, or the situation, a meltdown would happen. Life happens where, although we try to live this routing to the best of our ability, there are times we are not able to do so, and it is a set back for our son.
Taylor is fast! He can run really fast, but is better at long distance running rather than sprinting like Amanda is. He was in the boys and girls club track for a couple of years in Jr. High School and loved it. He did really well. So well that one year he qualified for the Hershey Meet, and he went to the State competition that was held in Eugene Oregon. His age group was from like 12-16 year olds, if I remember correctly.
The big day came. We gathered as a family. At the time we were the host family for two Japanese International Students that were studying at OSU for a year. We invited them to go with us also. We all loaded in the van very early in the morning! We headed for Eugene with high hopes and high spirits. Our son was at a state track tournament.
If you have been a friend of the family you would know that Taylor was always very small for his age. So small in fact that as he was in the 5th or 6th grade, he was like 50 or 60 lbs. His voice, didn't start changing until about two years ago. He was always just slow growing.
When we got to the meet, and we saw the size of the kids in his age group, we worried for him. He was about 4 and a half feet tall to five feet, and one of his competitors was about 6 feet tall if not taller. The others weren't that much smaller than the tallest boy. I remember a flash glance from Gordy. We said not one word but of encouragement to Taylor. Taylor seemed unaware of the differences or what advantages it would give the older boys. They were on the high end of the age range and he was on the low. The same went for size also.
The line up came for his race, which was the mile. As we stood in the crowd, it was so odd looking at the runners, you could hardly see Taylor as they hovered over him. He was just a little guy. From the moment of the race, and shot, the taller, older boys were ahead of Taylor. He kept going. They were putting further and further distance between themselves and Taylor, yet Taylor seemed so unaffected by the disadvantage. He just kept running. It finally happened, they started passing him, meaning they were a whole lap ahead of Taylor. The first person crossed the finish line and Taylor had over a lap to go. You could tell he was hot and he was tired. I thought at any minute he was going to fall over from heat or exhaustion. As the first person crossed the finish line, the international students, Risa and Mayu looked at us, and at that moment we were all on the same page, our hearts hurt for Taylor. He kept plugging along. He never lost hope. He never gave up. As he did that last lap, you could hear my husband rooting him on. I sat, with tears in my eyes at first, at the sheer love and compassion that my husband has for our son. I then heard Amanda, and then Mayu and Risa. We stood united as a family to encourage Taylor to not give up, to never give up. The crowd also started clapping for him and cheering him on the last quarter lap. He crossed the line and his dad was waiting there with a hug for him. He was such a good sport, going to the other young men and shaking their hands. Here we were all emotional and worried for Taylor and he was just so excited to get his shirt and have his picture taken with the scoreboard in the back that would have his name in lights on it.
God give me strength to always run the race even if I am in last place. Let me learn by my son's determination. Let him understand, sometime God, please let him understand the love and devotion of his family that cares about him and will always be sitting at the finish line with a hug and encouragement no matter how long it takes him to cross that line.
God, thanks SOOOOO much for such a wonderful and caring man that I have in Gordon to encourage and guide our children. Thank you for the love that my girls have for Taylor and each other. You bless me with these gifts. Give me strength, courage and direction. I need all these things now.
Aspergers Syndrome/ Autism Tip of the day: Routine. Somebody with Autism works best in a world of strictly routine. It is best that they get up at the same time each day, eat at the same time and keep their meals at the same time, along with chores and other rituals in their daily lives. Sometimes because of the non communicative portion of the disability it gets really tricky when the routine is not met. If I am late getting home or if dinner is not ready at the right time, since he needs that routine and he lacks the ability to communicate his frustration with me, or the situation, a meltdown would happen. Life happens where, although we try to live this routing to the best of our ability, there are times we are not able to do so, and it is a set back for our son.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Taylor has a HUGE heart!!!
Today, as I woke up at 3A, I had a couple of things that kept coming to mind when thinking of Taylor. First and more important of the two subjects is Taylor's good heart. The second, is his love for one restaurant chain, beyond words.
There were issues from the beginning. Taylor had to take speech for a very long time when he was in first grade on until about 6th or 7th grade. He really liked his speech teacher in the first grade. Her name now, I wish it were at the tip of my tongue, and I am sure it is, but the meds they have me on for my gall bladder attacks is preventing me of thinking of it. ANYHOW, I will update that at a later time. Taylor would earn points in her class during the year. This is something that I did not know. When they reached different levels, they could then redeem the points for prizes. Some were little toys, balls, jacks, things of that nature. There was also candy. I am sure I haven't told you how much Taylor loves candy. Anyhow... Taylor never brought home and prizes, so how was I to know that there was such a program?
On the day that school was out that year, I went to school to pick up the kids. Amanda, was ALWAYS the social butterfly so she was off socializing somewhere. Taylor took me by the hand and was in such a rush, he HAD to show me something! He led me to his speech room, and there sat his teacher with a little squirrel in front of her on the desk. It was very small, made of some sort of hard material. The figurine was wearing overalls and a cap. It wasn't the cutest of things, yet another knick knack were my thoughts. Never in my wildest dreams did I know that this squirrel was about to be bestowed upon me; MOM, the light of his life at the time. Taylor told me.... MOM, THIS IS FOR YOU!!! I EARNED IT!!! He went off and was playing in the sand box a short time later, and with shaving foam, all to help with his sensory disorders. Once he presented it to me, I was out of the picture. The teacher explained to me that Taylor had saved up all his points all year to trade them into something really cool for his mom. She said all the other kids would cash out when it would get to the candy winning portion, yet Taylor stayed diligent and wanted to get something for his mom! WHAT, ME????? Why would he do that? Why would he not get something fun for himself? She was a bit teary and said what a nice young man he was and how much she enjoyed him. All I can remember saying, after my thank yous, is *Me Too!* With that, Taylor and I went out in search of Sis. We found her and we proceeded to daycare, as I had to get to work. I keep that little squirrel on my desk, along with many other knick knacks that my kids have done that touch my heart in one way or another, so I can bask in their love even when we are not near each other. During hard times, I can look at my squirrel and think of what a wonderful young man I have with such a caring and loving heart. He is my guy, and I will always be his grateful mom!!!!
Now, as for this restaurant of his that he is addicted to, that would be the restaurant that sit beneath the golden arches! Taylor has been and always will be the biggest fan of McDonald's!!!! We will be having people in town, and we as a family try to plan a dinner out with guests, and the answer will never change with Taylor!!! McDonald's!!!!!! When I ask what should we do for a specific holiday (trying to get menu ideas) he suggests that we all just go to McDonalds, telling me it would be so much easier. At times it drives me crazy. When we drive past Mickey D's, he wants me to stop. Well, we live right down the street from a McDonald's so I often pass there, and get really sad, as Taylor is not with me, asking me to stop. No, I forgot, he is in the hospital, and about to go into an assisted living... that is right, he isn't supposed to be next to me asking me to stop! ***** R U KIDDING ME????***** HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE NEXT TO ME ASKING ME TO STOP! That is the way it is supposed to be. This is not how the story was supposed to go. I have to be strong! I have to do everything in my power to get him the help he needs.... but you know what..... IT REALLY STINKS!!!! It really makes me mad, and sad and frustrated and did I mention mad? It makes me miss him even more.
When we go to the hospital to visit our son, he gets to eat whatever we bring in. This last time we brought in Subway for him. He was not nearly as excited as when we brought him in McDonald's the time before. What did we bring him? A double quarter pounder with cheese, a large fry but no drink, as no caffeine, but we also took him in a yogurt parfait and an apple pie. He was in heaven. You know, he was trying to share his food with us. We kept telling him it was for him and we can eat it anytime we want, yet, he was insisting on sharing. We kept saying no. (We were also going out to lunch at Spaghetti Factory for Mother's Day, but we didn't want him to know as he would have had a melt down if he would have found out it was Mother's Day.... we don't want him feeling guilty or left out of the family on holidays, so it was our secret!) He finally put the food away (what he had left) as it didn't feel natural to not share.
So.... let there be McDonald's!!! Long live the golden arches, and cheers to them from Taylor!
Autism/ or Aspergers Syndrome tip of the day:
Eye contact is very difficult for someone with aspergers syndrome. Often times people do not realize this fact and think of the person with the disability as being rude or stand off-ish. In reality, it is not natural for them to look at people in the eye. It is uncomfortable for them. It is not that they are shy, or shameful, it is just the way that they were made. Now, with that in mind, and me not knowing my son had this disorder, in all my wisdom (NOT)... I forced my son to look at people in the eye! I made him make eye contact, and offer a hand to shake, and thank people for their time. That is what good kids do... right? That is what good moms and parents do, teaching their kids respect.... right? Who knows if I did more damage to my son that good? I am not sure.... but, I hope it didn't damage him too much.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Another day down, thought I would feel better....
So, another day, not yet over, yet, slipping through my fingers. They are taking me off of one medication putting me on yet another. Weaning me off wasn't an option, so, now I feel like.... well... YUCK!!! Tried to stay active, but I am not motivated to. I won't let myself just lay in bed, as I am afraid I will never want to get out!!! So, here I sit, with my thoughts all day.
I personally think that I am a pretty assertive kind of gal. Say what is on my mind. I try to be appropriate about it, but sometimes, I need to be more assertive, as my voice is not being heard. If I know something is right and I need to stand up for it, then, the assertiveness comes through. So, here I am.... a mom, knowing that there is more wrong with my son, yet, no doctors would listen to me. My voice wasn't heard. I tried to become more assertive, yet, still nothing. My son went until age 15 when finally a light bulb went off in someones head that said, hey, maybe they are right. Sadly enough, she wasn't a doctor, but a counselor. She didn't give the best advise after that, but at least she did get the ball rolling for me when it came to talking to some doctors and bringing Aspergers to light in our son's world. Still, they really did nothing. Wanted to see him every three weeks. People, this is absurd! Our health care system needs to get it together. Our HMOs need to get our children, and us, for that matter, the help we need when we need it. We are consumers paying for their services. So, with all this, I feel bitter. I feel bitter with the system, but I feel more than that... I feel worthless to my son. My assertiveness was not nearly enough. Why is it when women get the job done, we are called a *B*? Makes no sense to me. Believe me though, when it comes to my kids health, any one of the three, I will be this big *B* and wear the word with honor if it is not letting my kids down. I feel I let my son down. I feel like if they would have listened years ago, he would have had better treatment, more care... and that he would be home with his family where he belongs.
I try to get my mind off of things, yet it is hard. Last night, I took my daughter to the mall. I didn't really want to go as I don't like being near people, but know I can't seclude myself from the world. We went in. I felt myself being tense and would have rather just gone home. We went to a store in the mall and we were gone within 20 minutes. I just don't want to be out. We went out to dinner.... oh, that would be so much better.... relaxing, just me and my girls. My poor girls.... I just was on edge and again, just didn't want to be there.
It is hard, as I want my relationship with each of my kids to be so precious and so individual, you know. But with the events that have taken place, it is hard for my mind to focus on anything but getting the help that Taylor needs. I love each of my girls with all my heart, just as I do with Taylor. They each have a unique and special place in my heart.
Another thing about Asperger's Syndrome Tip of the Day: Unorganization is a HUGE thing in the person's life with Asperger's. They often do better by lists. It is not that they are trying to avoid things that need to be done, but their thoughts just never go there. A messy room is common. Our son lives better (in his mind) or feels more comfortable in a room that is totally dirty or disorganized than if it is clean.
I personally think that I am a pretty assertive kind of gal. Say what is on my mind. I try to be appropriate about it, but sometimes, I need to be more assertive, as my voice is not being heard. If I know something is right and I need to stand up for it, then, the assertiveness comes through. So, here I am.... a mom, knowing that there is more wrong with my son, yet, no doctors would listen to me. My voice wasn't heard. I tried to become more assertive, yet, still nothing. My son went until age 15 when finally a light bulb went off in someones head that said, hey, maybe they are right. Sadly enough, she wasn't a doctor, but a counselor. She didn't give the best advise after that, but at least she did get the ball rolling for me when it came to talking to some doctors and bringing Aspergers to light in our son's world. Still, they really did nothing. Wanted to see him every three weeks. People, this is absurd! Our health care system needs to get it together. Our HMOs need to get our children, and us, for that matter, the help we need when we need it. We are consumers paying for their services. So, with all this, I feel bitter. I feel bitter with the system, but I feel more than that... I feel worthless to my son. My assertiveness was not nearly enough. Why is it when women get the job done, we are called a *B*? Makes no sense to me. Believe me though, when it comes to my kids health, any one of the three, I will be this big *B* and wear the word with honor if it is not letting my kids down. I feel I let my son down. I feel like if they would have listened years ago, he would have had better treatment, more care... and that he would be home with his family where he belongs.
I try to get my mind off of things, yet it is hard. Last night, I took my daughter to the mall. I didn't really want to go as I don't like being near people, but know I can't seclude myself from the world. We went in. I felt myself being tense and would have rather just gone home. We went to a store in the mall and we were gone within 20 minutes. I just don't want to be out. We went out to dinner.... oh, that would be so much better.... relaxing, just me and my girls. My poor girls.... I just was on edge and again, just didn't want to be there.
It is hard, as I want my relationship with each of my kids to be so precious and so individual, you know. But with the events that have taken place, it is hard for my mind to focus on anything but getting the help that Taylor needs. I love each of my girls with all my heart, just as I do with Taylor. They each have a unique and special place in my heart.
Another thing about Asperger's Syndrome Tip of the Day: Unorganization is a HUGE thing in the person's life with Asperger's. They often do better by lists. It is not that they are trying to avoid things that need to be done, but their thoughts just never go there. A messy room is common. Our son lives better (in his mind) or feels more comfortable in a room that is totally dirty or disorganized than if it is clean.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Last night we layed in bed and cried together... just little sis and I!
Last night we were watching television in bed, and Carlie was in there snuggling us in her striped feety pajamas. She is a girl that is always on the move, so for her to slow down and let us get some snuggles, well, it is a blessing. Usually she is happy go lucky and will give you what we like to call face hugs. Last night, there were no face hugs. Last night there would be none of that. She just lay there with her face facing me, but gloom. We have been seeing that from time to time, and more frequent lately. She says how much she misses her bubby and he needs to come home. We tried to ease her into the bubby doesn't live here anymore, but just like Mimi (what she calls our oldest daughter) and just like grandma and grandpas, we don't have to live together to love someone. Oh, my heart hurt saying those words. Why would a three year old have to be explained that she will not be able to live with her brother any longer? I was trying to keep my voice low and calm, but it started cracking. She firmly told me, that her bubby lives in this house. Her voice also began to waiver a bit and crack. She then started making her voice, where she wanted me, her mom, to reassure her that he lived here. I couldn't do it. I can't lie to her. I just can't!!! She then picked up her pretend phone and acted like she was talking to Tay on the phone. When she hung up, she reassured me that he lived here in our house. I tried to sway the conversation back into how much he loved her and he was such a good brother. She was upset, so I let her sleep with me. During the night, she woke up telling me she wanted to see her brother. Again, my heart breaks! Each day, a reminder of how we are at the bottom right now. However, we also know when we hit bottom, there is no way to go but up. So, here is looking at today. We miss you my son! You are with me, even when I can't reach out and hug you. I have a doctor's appointment so that can keep my mind occupied for a bit. I am anxious for that.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
First two orders done fulfilled...
Chelsea rhubarb cake, done!
Jollene a full pan of lemon bars, done!
I am so proud of myself baking on my weekends!
Jollene a full pan of lemon bars, done!
I am so proud of myself baking on my weekends!
Life without my son today's thoughts
As I promised, my daily post on autism.
To tell you the truth, autism takes very strong people to care for the disabled person. As any disability, it is time consuming. You need to be patient and really think before you speak, as the person with autism might not (and many times won't) understand what you said in the way you presented it. That makes it really difficult! Always having to think about if it is being said in the appropriate manner.
One thing that we recently learned is that it is better for the person with autism to read your words rather than you speak them. Somehow the brain transforms them into a more understandable way for the person to understand, even if you write them in the same order that you would have said them. It is odd, but it really does work. Well, at least I can say it works for our son.
As a mom, I feel such mixed emotions over this disability. I feel blessed that God has chosen me to care for this young man, and that He blessed me with this AWESOME child and nothing will change that ever. However, there are times that I just think... GOD.... no more on my plate please, as this is quite enough... yet, life will continue happening, and He will give me strength to get through each and every day. I trust in that. He promised me that. Living in Oregon, we all know, that there are no rainbows with no rain! Plain and simple.
I also feel scared. I guess scared sometimes takes over. Where will my son be in 10 years. Of course my expectations for him and my expectations for my girls are totally different, however some stand strong for all of them. As long as they each try their hardest, even if they fail, I am okay with that! Who can try harder than their hardest? Doesn't really make sense does it? I don't expect Taylor to get the grades the girls are capable of. I don't expect him to like age appropriate things as he is not in the mind set of a 17 year old young man. He is more of the mind set of a 10 or 11 year old, and in some aspects of his life, even younger. However, there are some parts of him that are totally a 17 year old boy. Example, loves hip hop and rap music. He really likes cars and is so eager to get his license. He likes girls on his unit. He is there to get help and he wants to make a date. I get afraid of who will take care of our son when it time for Gordy and I to leave this earth. It can be forever from now, or it can be tomorrow. It scares me. I know my girls will love and look out after him, but will he really understand us and a part of life is dying or will he think that we abandoned him? It is sad for me to think about.
I am sad that he will never, most likely, vote. More disturbing for me to think about is that he won't understand the issues at hand to vote for. He will never have that ability to understand and let his voice be heard. It could be on gay marriage, or taxes, or health care, he won't understand.
I am disheartened by the fact that he may never understand love. He loves us and I know that. He is very protective of us. If he finds out someone made his mom, or one of his sisters cry, he gets very angry. When he hugs his dad and sobs, we know he loves us. When he calls his sister and is shaking telling her how much he misses her and misses home, we knows he loves us. However, that feeling that you get when you know someone loves you, just this feeling of you can get through anything in life with that love, he doesn't get that. Most girls will reject him. They initially like him, as he is handsome, yet, when they start talking to him, and realize that he is different in his thinking and processes, not only do they not like him, but are often mean to him and tease him. I know that there are days when all I want to do is run home and be near my husband and feel safe and secure in our life and in our love for one another. Will my son ever get to experience that? Once again, we pray for miracles.
I get MAD!!!! I get so mad. I walk down the hall and pass his room. There is no noise coming from it. There is no loud music. There is no t.v. on, nor is a video game playing. I don't hear the door open when it is time for him to come home from school and I am MAD! Sounds silly, but I can't help it. I am mad that my son has this disorder and he doesn't deserve it. Does anyone deserve it? No, certainly not, yet right now, all I can think about is my son. That is enough to worry about.
I don't leave my house much now due to some medical issues at hand, yet when I do, I hear people complaining about how much gas costs, or how much milk costs. I certainly am not in disagreement with them, yet, I get so upset with them. Don't they understand? Don't they get it? There is a part of me that is just fighting to stay close with my son who is slipping into this disability at rapid speeds. Do they not understand that there is so much more at stake than the price of gas? I know it is not their fault. I know that it is the stress in life, yet for me, it is all to real.
I know my family will make it through this one. As odd as it sounds, I would much rather my cancer be back and let me battle something I know I can win. With this, I fear if I can't win. I don't know how to fight this fairly as this is my son, not a game, not me where I can take really risky moves as it is only me at stake, THIS IS MY SON! It isn't like a game of monopoly that you can put all the pieces away when you are done. This is life. I don't want to lose this battle. I want to stay strong. I want my son to stay strong. I want my family to stay strong. It sounds so easy, yet, there are days, that it is the toughest thing to do. They say it takes more muscles to frown that to smile. I want to smile, but sometimes I just can't.
For now, I wait for my meds to work so I can return to work and feel encouraged by my team and the people that mean so much to me there. I wait to see my daughters and husband so I can laugh or cry or yell. What I really look forward to is having all three of my kids in one room, with my husband and I. That is when I feel whole.
Autism Tip of the day: Many times when people have the disability of autism, they will have a sensory disorder. My son can listen to music loud, and nothing is odd to him. I can talk to him, or his dad can talk to him, and ask him how his day was or to brush his teeth (examples), and he will think that our voice is yelling or raised. It is when he has to engage in conversation in the real world that the noise seems to be more than he can bare. Not just voices, but noises, such as the vacuum cleaner, or the dryer running, anything like that.
To tell you the truth, autism takes very strong people to care for the disabled person. As any disability, it is time consuming. You need to be patient and really think before you speak, as the person with autism might not (and many times won't) understand what you said in the way you presented it. That makes it really difficult! Always having to think about if it is being said in the appropriate manner.
One thing that we recently learned is that it is better for the person with autism to read your words rather than you speak them. Somehow the brain transforms them into a more understandable way for the person to understand, even if you write them in the same order that you would have said them. It is odd, but it really does work. Well, at least I can say it works for our son.
As a mom, I feel such mixed emotions over this disability. I feel blessed that God has chosen me to care for this young man, and that He blessed me with this AWESOME child and nothing will change that ever. However, there are times that I just think... GOD.... no more on my plate please, as this is quite enough... yet, life will continue happening, and He will give me strength to get through each and every day. I trust in that. He promised me that. Living in Oregon, we all know, that there are no rainbows with no rain! Plain and simple.
I also feel scared. I guess scared sometimes takes over. Where will my son be in 10 years. Of course my expectations for him and my expectations for my girls are totally different, however some stand strong for all of them. As long as they each try their hardest, even if they fail, I am okay with that! Who can try harder than their hardest? Doesn't really make sense does it? I don't expect Taylor to get the grades the girls are capable of. I don't expect him to like age appropriate things as he is not in the mind set of a 17 year old young man. He is more of the mind set of a 10 or 11 year old, and in some aspects of his life, even younger. However, there are some parts of him that are totally a 17 year old boy. Example, loves hip hop and rap music. He really likes cars and is so eager to get his license. He likes girls on his unit. He is there to get help and he wants to make a date. I get afraid of who will take care of our son when it time for Gordy and I to leave this earth. It can be forever from now, or it can be tomorrow. It scares me. I know my girls will love and look out after him, but will he really understand us and a part of life is dying or will he think that we abandoned him? It is sad for me to think about.
I am sad that he will never, most likely, vote. More disturbing for me to think about is that he won't understand the issues at hand to vote for. He will never have that ability to understand and let his voice be heard. It could be on gay marriage, or taxes, or health care, he won't understand.
I am disheartened by the fact that he may never understand love. He loves us and I know that. He is very protective of us. If he finds out someone made his mom, or one of his sisters cry, he gets very angry. When he hugs his dad and sobs, we know he loves us. When he calls his sister and is shaking telling her how much he misses her and misses home, we knows he loves us. However, that feeling that you get when you know someone loves you, just this feeling of you can get through anything in life with that love, he doesn't get that. Most girls will reject him. They initially like him, as he is handsome, yet, when they start talking to him, and realize that he is different in his thinking and processes, not only do they not like him, but are often mean to him and tease him. I know that there are days when all I want to do is run home and be near my husband and feel safe and secure in our life and in our love for one another. Will my son ever get to experience that? Once again, we pray for miracles.
I get MAD!!!! I get so mad. I walk down the hall and pass his room. There is no noise coming from it. There is no loud music. There is no t.v. on, nor is a video game playing. I don't hear the door open when it is time for him to come home from school and I am MAD! Sounds silly, but I can't help it. I am mad that my son has this disorder and he doesn't deserve it. Does anyone deserve it? No, certainly not, yet right now, all I can think about is my son. That is enough to worry about.
I don't leave my house much now due to some medical issues at hand, yet when I do, I hear people complaining about how much gas costs, or how much milk costs. I certainly am not in disagreement with them, yet, I get so upset with them. Don't they understand? Don't they get it? There is a part of me that is just fighting to stay close with my son who is slipping into this disability at rapid speeds. Do they not understand that there is so much more at stake than the price of gas? I know it is not their fault. I know that it is the stress in life, yet for me, it is all to real.
I know my family will make it through this one. As odd as it sounds, I would much rather my cancer be back and let me battle something I know I can win. With this, I fear if I can't win. I don't know how to fight this fairly as this is my son, not a game, not me where I can take really risky moves as it is only me at stake, THIS IS MY SON! It isn't like a game of monopoly that you can put all the pieces away when you are done. This is life. I don't want to lose this battle. I want to stay strong. I want my son to stay strong. I want my family to stay strong. It sounds so easy, yet, there are days, that it is the toughest thing to do. They say it takes more muscles to frown that to smile. I want to smile, but sometimes I just can't.
For now, I wait for my meds to work so I can return to work and feel encouraged by my team and the people that mean so much to me there. I wait to see my daughters and husband so I can laugh or cry or yell. What I really look forward to is having all three of my kids in one room, with my husband and I. That is when I feel whole.
Autism Tip of the day: Many times when people have the disability of autism, they will have a sensory disorder. My son can listen to music loud, and nothing is odd to him. I can talk to him, or his dad can talk to him, and ask him how his day was or to brush his teeth (examples), and he will think that our voice is yelling or raised. It is when he has to engage in conversation in the real world that the noise seems to be more than he can bare. Not just voices, but noises, such as the vacuum cleaner, or the dryer running, anything like that.
Something that I think had to do with autism...
When Taylor was very young, an infant, he never cried or was fussy. He might once in awhile if he was wet, but that is it. It was a bit odd though to be honest, because as a mom, we expect our babies to cry if they are tired, or hungry, or when they are upset if someone is in their space for too long and they want to be alone. Taylor did not do that. He was what we would consider, to be a really good baby. I, in my heart of heart, think that was something to do with his autism. I could be wrong, but I just have never seen a baby be that quiet before.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Bake Sale Items for Wednesday, June 4, 2008
If you would like any of these items, please come see me on the dialer team and hand me your order, or simply email me at Bakingawish@yahoo.com. Money will be due the on the day I bring your order to you.
Remember to send your order to bakingawish@yahoo.com. On your order please place your name, your leaders name, if you are on the yellow or the blue side of the building and what you would like to order. also it will be helpful if you put in what day of the bake sale it is for to help me keep track. Orders must be in by 5P the night before the sale date.
Rice Crispy Treats: $1 no nuts but dairy
Peanut butter Rice Crispy Bars: $1 nuts and dairy
Rhubarb Cheesecake Bars $1.25 nuts and dairy
Raisin Bran Muffin $1.00 no nuts but dairy
Whopper Fudge $1.50 1.5"x1.5" piece of fudge dairy no nuts
Caramel Apple Cupcake $1.25 nuts and dairy
If you have sporting events that you think people would want to buy any baked goods, let me know. Also if you know of any other businesses that would like any baked goods delivered, let me know. I would be happy to do so! Spread the word! Word of mouth is the best advertising ever! If you would like to order something by the pan, let me know and I can come up with a price for that also. If you know a neighbor or anyone that would like baked goods, send them the link and they can give you the money for you to take it home for them. If you know of a business that would like me to bring baked goods to, send them my link here. I would be all to happy to do so.
By all means, please spread this web site to others, as we not only want to raise funds for my brother, but, in all reality we want people to know about autism, and about Aspergers syndrome. We want people to know, and continue teaching their kids that it is not nice to make fun of other people or use hurtful words. When someone calls my brother stupid, or retarded, he internalizes it and it often comes out in forms of anger and melt downs. We want people to be aware of signs and symptoms, so they can get the proper help for their children if they see the signs. Better to be safe than have your kids turn 15 before they properly diagnose them.
If you have fund raising ideas, please let us know. We have friends at work that are going to have a car wash to help Taylor. We have some friends that are organizing a yard sale and collecting donations to help Taylor. We have friends that are wanting to put on a benefit concert for Taylor, so we are looking for a place to be donated that will hold a lot of people and find local entertainment for that. Keep your ideas coming.
Autism fact of the day! Early signs of autism is a great memory on one fact but not on a lot of different subjects. My brother Taylor, had delayed speech. He didn't learn to talk until he was about 2 for simple words. He knew mama, and sis but didn't communicate well due to very little vocabulary. Yet, when he did start to speak, he within months could identify many different kids of dinosaurs from books and movies. He was sort of an expert on the subject. He would talk about them often and was a bit fixated on them.
If you would like any of these items, please come see me on the dialer team and hand me your order, or simply email me at Bakingawish@yahoo.com. Money will be due the on the day I bring your order to you.
Remember to send your order to bakingawish@yahoo.com. On your order please place your name, your leaders name, if you are on the yellow or the blue side of the building and what you would like to order. also it will be helpful if you put in what day of the bake sale it is for to help me keep track. Orders must be in by 5P the night before the sale date.
Rice Crispy Treats: $1 no nuts but dairy
Peanut butter Rice Crispy Bars: $1 nuts and dairy
Rhubarb Cheesecake Bars $1.25 nuts and dairy
Raisin Bran Muffin $1.00 no nuts but dairy
Whopper Fudge $1.50 1.5"x1.5" piece of fudge dairy no nuts
Caramel Apple Cupcake $1.25 nuts and dairy
If you have sporting events that you think people would want to buy any baked goods, let me know. Also if you know of any other businesses that would like any baked goods delivered, let me know. I would be happy to do so! Spread the word! Word of mouth is the best advertising ever! If you would like to order something by the pan, let me know and I can come up with a price for that also. If you know a neighbor or anyone that would like baked goods, send them the link and they can give you the money for you to take it home for them. If you know of a business that would like me to bring baked goods to, send them my link here. I would be all to happy to do so.
By all means, please spread this web site to others, as we not only want to raise funds for my brother, but, in all reality we want people to know about autism, and about Aspergers syndrome. We want people to know, and continue teaching their kids that it is not nice to make fun of other people or use hurtful words. When someone calls my brother stupid, or retarded, he internalizes it and it often comes out in forms of anger and melt downs. We want people to be aware of signs and symptoms, so they can get the proper help for their children if they see the signs. Better to be safe than have your kids turn 15 before they properly diagnose them.
If you have fund raising ideas, please let us know. We have friends at work that are going to have a car wash to help Taylor. We have some friends that are organizing a yard sale and collecting donations to help Taylor. We have friends that are wanting to put on a benefit concert for Taylor, so we are looking for a place to be donated that will hold a lot of people and find local entertainment for that. Keep your ideas coming.
Autism fact of the day! Early signs of autism is a great memory on one fact but not on a lot of different subjects. My brother Taylor, had delayed speech. He didn't learn to talk until he was about 2 for simple words. He knew mama, and sis but didn't communicate well due to very little vocabulary. Yet, when he did start to speak, he within months could identify many different kids of dinosaurs from books and movies. He was sort of an expert on the subject. He would talk about them often and was a bit fixated on them.
A Mother's Thoughts On Her Son With Autism
I have agreed to help my daughter do this site to help keep people informed on Autism, or what I know of it. I am certainly no expert on the subject, yet, in many ways, perhaps I am. Well I am on one particular boy's autism or form of autism, and that is my son Taylor.
I have three GREAT, and AMAZING kiddos! My oldest, Amanda, (this is her project) is 20. She is my creative one. She is my one that thinks outside the box. She is my one that is always determined when she puts her mind to it, and, since I am her mother and can say this, I would also say that she is our stubborn one. She at times has this rock outside as she is afraid of hurt, (like the rest of us) and this soft gooey center and a heart of gold. She is a leader, but she used to be a follower, she has grown. She is the one that makes me laugh until it hurts, and my biggest supporter most of the time. She is artsy and thoughtful and strong, and just a neat young lady.
My second child, Taylor, is my son with Autism. He is more reserved than some, but he really does want to fit in, in his own way. He is my computer whiz. He is my video game expert. He is my son that wants to do the right thing but lives on impulses, so often the things he does are inappropriate, and it starts a vicious cycle. He then gets mad at himself, then that gets him depressed. He does not know how to communicate feelings other than anger. The anger is from being hurt and teased and being many horrible names. (If you are reading this, and you use the word retard all the time, you are one of the people hurting my son, so please choose your words wisely. If you want to use the word, that is your choice, I just wanted you to know that it is hurting someone, somewhere!!!) He was my biggest fan for many years when I was a single parent. Then my husband became his new Idol, and in fairness, he also became a huge fan of Taylor. Taylor loves to camp and go crabbing. He loves to ride his bike and ride his rip tide. He really tries to make new friends, but sadly enough, the only kids that befriend him are friends with no supervision in their lives, or their parents care of their future. They are kids that tell him they will protect him from kids that tease him. Taylor is not a leader, he is a follower. He won't provoke a situation but he won't stop it either. Again, this has to do with his Asperger's and his inability to communicate effectively and lives by compulsivity. He has been diagnosed with Aspertger's, ADHD, and ODD. These in combination are all so difficult for him to handle, and switching his meds are tough as it might start to do things to the other disorders. He has a disability. I love him just as much, and he is just as perfect in my eyes as my girls.
Our daughter Carlie is three. She is funny and she keeps us amused. She is learning so much and is always so full of questions. She loves playing with her friends at daycare. She is nuts about her dad. She is talkative and sometimes too much so. (that is definitely from my side of the family). She loves to watch the hula dancers and she loves being doted on. She loves her Mimi and Bubby (as she refers to the older kids). She loves to color and sing, use sidewalk chalk and blow bubbles. She loves hop scotch, playing on her toys outside and holding worms.... yes you heard me... holding worms!
I have told Amanda that I will help her keep this site up to date with things that I learn about autism and things we already know.
As our family goes through this hardship in our life, I want to thank the people that are helping us make it through. I have faith God will watch our family and be there for Taylor during this transition. Our family is strong and we have overcome many obstacles in life, and we won't give up, now, not ever.
Special thanks going out to some special people that have given my daughter much encouragement at work!
Kelly Wilson, your thoughtfulness and caring heart go beyond words my friend! You are one classy lady! You really didn't have to, and my heart swells with gratitude.
Jerry Wood, I appreciate that you think of my well being and my son's well being. I appreciate you so much!
Brian (not sure how to spell your last name sir)... You are the meaning of living Aloha ! Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
Patty O for the thoughtfulness in giving.
ChristyO, for being there spreading the word and supporting our family
Sheila Webb for always being so thoughtful and such a giving heart.
Sandra for sending tamales home for my family. What a sweet gesture.
Jon, Crystal and Cory, thanks for understanding I need to get myself together. Thanks for believing in me when I don't, and thanks for supporting my family.
Karen Felix for all the encouragement and getting Amanda information on tournaments she can sell things at.
Chelsea for helping Amanda with ideas on raising money in other ways, and loving rhubarb so much to order a full cake.
Jollene for buying a bulk order of lemon bars from Amanda.
All of the friends helping Amanda bake and keeping track of what is needed and keeping her strong.
Rich: You are a kind man. Your words meant a lot to Amanda and I appreciate that.
Tinkerbell; the name is unknown, but someone has left $1 coins on Amanda's desk but will not fess up to it.... I understand, sometimes the best gifts are unknown gifts, but know that you are appreciated!!!
Sandie Fix: Loving the pickle surprise baby!!!
Last but not least (and I know this list will grow and grow)
Spencer, not only helping spread the word, but also helping sell, and keeping Amanda's idea strong and encouraging her.
I appreciate the prayers and support. You know, this reminds me of a poem that I love, when it was translated. It goes like this:
When the Nazis came for the communists
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
there was no one left to speak out.
This is definitely not the same situation, but it can have yet another translation. We are all going to need help from one time or another. A death in the family, a sickness in the home, a disease that is newly discovered, the break up of a relationship or marriage. We are here on earth to help each other. We never expect to be in need of help or support, but plain and simple it happens. That is why it has always been big for my family to help the homeless with sack lunches, help those in need during the holidays, helping someone because they have no money until payday, and they might need food, gas, or help paying their electric bill. What happens is it also teaches others to give of themselves. It makes the world a better place. Most of the time we are on the giving end, and I promise you it is so much nicer on that giving side, yet with the stories Amanda tells me, my heart grows so touched by people helping our son. I will try to post daily thoughts on autism. Right now, I have been on the computer for over 20 minutes and I need time to gather my thoughts, and I think I have just started a gull bladder attack and it is too painful to write. Sorry!!!
I have three GREAT, and AMAZING kiddos! My oldest, Amanda, (this is her project) is 20. She is my creative one. She is my one that thinks outside the box. She is my one that is always determined when she puts her mind to it, and, since I am her mother and can say this, I would also say that she is our stubborn one. She at times has this rock outside as she is afraid of hurt, (like the rest of us) and this soft gooey center and a heart of gold. She is a leader, but she used to be a follower, she has grown. She is the one that makes me laugh until it hurts, and my biggest supporter most of the time. She is artsy and thoughtful and strong, and just a neat young lady.
My second child, Taylor, is my son with Autism. He is more reserved than some, but he really does want to fit in, in his own way. He is my computer whiz. He is my video game expert. He is my son that wants to do the right thing but lives on impulses, so often the things he does are inappropriate, and it starts a vicious cycle. He then gets mad at himself, then that gets him depressed. He does not know how to communicate feelings other than anger. The anger is from being hurt and teased and being many horrible names. (If you are reading this, and you use the word retard all the time, you are one of the people hurting my son, so please choose your words wisely. If you want to use the word, that is your choice, I just wanted you to know that it is hurting someone, somewhere!!!) He was my biggest fan for many years when I was a single parent. Then my husband became his new Idol, and in fairness, he also became a huge fan of Taylor. Taylor loves to camp and go crabbing. He loves to ride his bike and ride his rip tide. He really tries to make new friends, but sadly enough, the only kids that befriend him are friends with no supervision in their lives, or their parents care of their future. They are kids that tell him they will protect him from kids that tease him. Taylor is not a leader, he is a follower. He won't provoke a situation but he won't stop it either. Again, this has to do with his Asperger's and his inability to communicate effectively and lives by compulsivity. He has been diagnosed with Aspertger's, ADHD, and ODD. These in combination are all so difficult for him to handle, and switching his meds are tough as it might start to do things to the other disorders. He has a disability. I love him just as much, and he is just as perfect in my eyes as my girls.
Our daughter Carlie is three. She is funny and she keeps us amused. She is learning so much and is always so full of questions. She loves playing with her friends at daycare. She is nuts about her dad. She is talkative and sometimes too much so. (that is definitely from my side of the family). She loves to watch the hula dancers and she loves being doted on. She loves her Mimi and Bubby (as she refers to the older kids). She loves to color and sing, use sidewalk chalk and blow bubbles. She loves hop scotch, playing on her toys outside and holding worms.... yes you heard me... holding worms!
I have told Amanda that I will help her keep this site up to date with things that I learn about autism and things we already know.
As our family goes through this hardship in our life, I want to thank the people that are helping us make it through. I have faith God will watch our family and be there for Taylor during this transition. Our family is strong and we have overcome many obstacles in life, and we won't give up, now, not ever.
Special thanks going out to some special people that have given my daughter much encouragement at work!
Kelly Wilson, your thoughtfulness and caring heart go beyond words my friend! You are one classy lady! You really didn't have to, and my heart swells with gratitude.
Jerry Wood, I appreciate that you think of my well being and my son's well being. I appreciate you so much!
Brian (not sure how to spell your last name sir)... You are the meaning of living Aloha ! Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
Patty O for the thoughtfulness in giving.
ChristyO, for being there spreading the word and supporting our family
Sheila Webb for always being so thoughtful and such a giving heart.
Sandra for sending tamales home for my family. What a sweet gesture.
Jon, Crystal and Cory, thanks for understanding I need to get myself together. Thanks for believing in me when I don't, and thanks for supporting my family.
Karen Felix for all the encouragement and getting Amanda information on tournaments she can sell things at.
Chelsea for helping Amanda with ideas on raising money in other ways, and loving rhubarb so much to order a full cake.
Jollene for buying a bulk order of lemon bars from Amanda.
All of the friends helping Amanda bake and keeping track of what is needed and keeping her strong.
Rich: You are a kind man. Your words meant a lot to Amanda and I appreciate that.
Tinkerbell; the name is unknown, but someone has left $1 coins on Amanda's desk but will not fess up to it.... I understand, sometimes the best gifts are unknown gifts, but know that you are appreciated!!!
Sandie Fix: Loving the pickle surprise baby!!!
Last but not least (and I know this list will grow and grow)
Spencer, not only helping spread the word, but also helping sell, and keeping Amanda's idea strong and encouraging her.
I appreciate the prayers and support. You know, this reminds me of a poem that I love, when it was translated. It goes like this:
When the Nazis came for the communists
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.
there was no one left to speak out.
This is definitely not the same situation, but it can have yet another translation. We are all going to need help from one time or another. A death in the family, a sickness in the home, a disease that is newly discovered, the break up of a relationship or marriage. We are here on earth to help each other. We never expect to be in need of help or support, but plain and simple it happens. That is why it has always been big for my family to help the homeless with sack lunches, help those in need during the holidays, helping someone because they have no money until payday, and they might need food, gas, or help paying their electric bill. What happens is it also teaches others to give of themselves. It makes the world a better place. Most of the time we are on the giving end, and I promise you it is so much nicer on that giving side, yet with the stories Amanda tells me, my heart grows so touched by people helping our son. I will try to post daily thoughts on autism. Right now, I have been on the computer for over 20 minutes and I need time to gather my thoughts, and I think I have just started a gull bladder attack and it is too painful to write. Sorry!!!
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