We had a great day with Taylor. He came home on Friday night. However, he didn't want to hang out with mom and dad. (Go figure)! He wanted to go be with his sister, Amanda, and her boyfriend Spencer, and his friends. There was a part of me that wanted to be stingy with the time I had planned for him, but I didn't think that would be fair. So the carne asada and asian chicken salad went without Tay eating it with us. Dad took him to McDonald's on the way... (his favorite). He got a happy meal. Almost 18, still wanting happy meals for the toys. Most of the time, it just makes me smile as I know it is a part of his obsessions due to his autism. His sister also had bought a pizza for them. They watched a movie together. She texted not too terribly long after he got there. He actually had to take his meds before he left, so he was so tired. G left immediately to go pick him up after the text came through. When he picked up Taylor, he asked me to put the sheets on the beds in the tent trailer as he thought Taylor was going to fall asleep.

He got home, and he went into the tent trailer, laid on his bed and he was out within three minutes. It reminds me of him when he was little and he could sleep through everything. Now, he has such a tough time sleeping without the pills.

On Saturday morning, I took him to a couple of garage sales as he loves to go to them. He was out digging through things, and it was like having him home again. I wanted to get him to Walgreen's though as he really wanted some photos to take back to the hospital with him. He ended up taking Carlie to the toy section as he was getting antsy.

We went home and got ready to take him back into Portland. We went to Uyagimias in Beaverton, as he wanted to go. I looked for something small but meaningful to give G for our 8th anniversary which is on Tuesday. I didn't find anything. The store was pretty slow, so that made it nice. It was also cooler in there, as it was 92* yesterday.

We went to an international celebration on the East side of Portland. I was nervous as I can't do crowds. It was nice as it was really slow. I didn't see the diversity there. I saw two food booths, one being kettle corn. I did see some dancers from the islands, but other than that, I only saw one other booth that had anything to do with diversity. UGGGG! Not a great event, but great to be with all my kids at once. Carlie ended up getting a bloody nose from the heat, and really dirty feet if that counts.

As we were driving in Portland, Gordy thought that he saw our friend Alex. Alex was a student at OSU when Gordy worked there. He worked in Gordy's office. He had the most fun personality and he quickly became a part of our family, and would join us for Thanksgiving at our home a couple of times. He has matured into a fine young man now. He used to live in Portland, but, from what we know, he lives in LA now. The kids loved that his number to call him was ---/905-POOP. They always wanted to call him. Anyhow, we then thought perhaps he was in town visiting, but we couldn't catch up. Almost made our day even brighter.

In two weeks we will be back in Portland for the Hawaiian Festival in Vancouver. It will be fun. All in all, it was a great day with Taylor, Amanda and Carlie.

Oh, there was an outburst on the unit the other day. Someone was trying to target him (they do this by trying to get the others to lose their temper, then they get bumped down a level) and called him a very derogatory name for two males that love each other. Taylor did INDEED lose it, and had to leave the unit to cool himself down so he didn't do anything that he would regret. He kept his cool enough, and I am not sure if it was during the outburst, or if it was when he returned after his walk, but... HE STOOD up for gay couples. My son stood up for what he believed in, which is diversity. He said that he had really good friends that love each other and it makes him mad when people call them horrible names.

WAY TO GO BUDDY! You keep doing it! Keep standing up for what you believe in. Words are always better than getting mad, but just know you are more of a person for standing up for your beliefs and dad, sis and I are SOOOOOO proud of you. We know that sometimes it is hard to speak our minds when we know others might make fun of us or try to belittle us, but who cares. They are the small minded people! I know, that you on that day, made some of your counselors sit back and say, Man, Tay is cool, did you see how he handled that?! He stood up for what he believed in. Many adults don't have the capability, so you doing this shows how mature you are and how much you care for your good friends!!!!! FANTASTIC!!! That is why we chose this song today.... Say by John Mayer. Say what you need to say!

If someone that is autistic can do it, so can you!

Would I lead the same path of life again to get here?

I have had much on my mind, and much on my plate in the past couple year and a half or so. I start going over things in my mind over and over again, thinking, what could I have changed to have been a better person, a better mom? Would I choose that road again? Would I do it all over again? Am I satisfied where I am at? Did I learn the lessons that needed to be learned?

My answers often times confuse me. If there were easier roads, then wouldn't I just naturally want to take that road? I wish that I were the type of person that could say yes... that would be so much less stressful, let me take the easy way out next time.

Yet, I am not that person. I am the person that often times would and will take the harder road even to this day if there is a lesson or a moral behind it that I can not only learn, but hopefully pass onto others that might need that in the future.

I then look at Taylor and I think, what about him? He doesn't really understand things that we do, so I do want the road that is easier for him. I want to mother him and tell people to leave him alone and I want to put the pieces together for him. I know, however, with all the wisdom of being his mom and his number one fan, that I would surely fail my son if that was the way it were to be. I can't learn his lessons for him (damn it as I would it a minute if I could).

You hold these babies in your arms and you see them for the first time, and they take your breath away. They are the greatest gift that we will ever have in our lives. They are these little bundle of hopes and dreams and pure love. Raw love, that you will do anything to protect. My friends often called me mama bear when there were issues, and the kids tried to handle them on their own when it was with a teacher or people of that nature that wouldn't listen to them or push their feelings to the side, the mama bear in me would come out. I hope it was in a good way, and not a negative way. We as parents sometimes forget that we need to advocate for our children. We need to realize that their voices will sometimes go unheard unless we are there to make it heard. Just simply calling a meeting and making sure you are there to sit next to them, somehow makes people stop and listen.

The only regrets I feel in life that one might have or want to change in life, is making sure we right our wrongs. If we mess up in life, it is a heavy burden to carry on our backs. I think that when we learn that things were done improperly, we as adults, as caring people need to say whoa, I really messed up. I most likely caused you some grief and some sort of turmoil in your life and I want to make that right. I for one, am going to be one that I hope gets my apologies done before I am on my way to check out.

Tay, I will always be the mom I think that you deserve. I will always be your biggest fan. I will always speak the words I think you are trying to say when you can't say them. If I ever get that wrong, you WON'T HURT MY FEELINGS to correct me. I will always be here for you, in good times, and not so fun times. I will be here in times that I miss you like there is no tomorrow, and on the days where you laugh your butt off and aren't really sure why. I will listen to your stories about pokemon and dragster cars and hot rods. I will listen to how you love roller coasters. I will tell you that favorite story one more time (as many times as you like) how I went over the rainbow to get a pot of gold and the leprechauns gave me a choice of a pot of gold or you, and I went home with you. I will tell you the story time and time again how I hid pickled herring in Uncle Troy's salad at Uncle Jared's wedding and when he bit into it he started swearing (good times!) ! I will listen to you tell me how you think Uncle Troy is so cool when he tells you to stop running in and out of the house because he isn't raising monkeys from the zoo. It's all good buddy. We will get through this together and there is going to be no regrets, just great life lessons. Isn't that what we really grow from, life lessons?

To the moon and back, only 16 hours left to see you Mister! Can't wait. Mama is going to be a cooking fool today and tomorrow morning when you get here I can just spend time with you with no worries or anything to take me away from our time. I am sure you are excited to get home too. It has been a long time, but you have worked so hard for this. I am so proud of you son.

Oh, and dad said you can put up the tent trailer tomorrow night to sleep in and you boys can sleep out there, or all of us, whatever you want.
Always your mama~

Autism Tip of the Day: Many children or people that have autism, which is a disability, may have a dual diagnosis of other things that are going on also. Our son for example has ODD which is called Oppositional Defiant Disorder. As per mayo clinic . com, this is their definition of this mental health condition. Taylor doesn't do this to be bad, just the way, once again that he is built and wired, so to speak.

Even the best-behaved children can be difficult and challenging at times. Teens are often moody and argumentative. But if your child or teen has a persistent pattern of tantrums, arguing, and angry or disruptive behaviors toward you and other authority figures, he or she may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). As many as one in 10 children may have oppositional defiant disorder in a lifetime.

Treatment of oppositional defiant disorder involves therapy and possibly medications to treat related mental health conditions. As a parent, you don't have to go it alone in trying to manage a child with oppositional defiant disorder. Doctors, counselors and child development experts can help you learn specific strategies to address oppositional defiant disorder.

Sometimes there are just angels amoung us....

Even when we don't realize it, God works in our lives in such wonderful and enriching ways. Today I had a very nice young lady come to my home to pick up a baby item that sis was selling to earn money for Tay's vacation. When she pulled up, it was like a breath of fresh air. Diversity! Since my depression and having to take a break from work, I have not been able to focus as much on all of the really important things in my life. I so love the diversity part of my life and what we teach our kids. There are not too many people in our area that are not caucasion. Not that being caucasion is all that bad, mind you... but I just strive for difference and long for striving to piece us all together as humans. I feel segregated at times when there isn't the diversity in my life and that is the last thing that I want.

Here stands this sweet, nice, and very sincere young lady that just had it all together. I was busy getting things done around the house and looked a mess.... and she didn't bat an eye. We talked about our kids and our husbands and our jobs, and religion. Imagine this all in a 10 minute time frame, well... okay maybe 15 minutes. It just touched my heart so.

I really believe God put her in my life today to lift my spirits and I am thankful for that. She even put an extra $15 towards Taylor's vacation fund. That touches me so....

Megan, if you keep up with my blogging, please know you touched my heart.

Taylor gets an outing!

Today, Taylor gets an outing from the hospital. I am so excited. Some of the excitement is knowing that I get to just see him for the day, but the majority of the excitement is knowing how excited he is at the fact that he gets to leave his unit. There are also some fears that I am having. I am afraid I might say something that will set him off of course. I don't want that. I am afraid of him being around too many people might also set him off of course. However, those thoughts are just in the back of my head. Most of me feels nothing but pure excitement.

We had a benefit yard sale over the weekend. We ended up making a little bit over three hundred dollars, so that is very exciting. We also saved some of the things that didn't sell and we are going to try to sell them on Craigs list, so our earnings might end up at $400. I hope it will be good with the craig's listings.

We went to a Hawaiian concert at World Beat last night which was fun. It was still warm when we went there at about 7, but by the time we left there was a small breeze that felt so nice. I was excited to do something with the family. I did however have some anxiety issues going, and then with Taylor not being there, and being excluded from a family event, it was hard for me also. It seems like times like so are the hardest things to handle at the time.

Back to Taylor getting out for the day. A couple of weeks ago when we discussed him being able to leave in the future, he said, perhaps he would want to go bowling. Then the subject of swimming came up and he was excited for that. Now, he has instead chosen to go to Todai which is a Japanese restaurant in a mall in Portland. That is one of his favorite places to eat (besides McDonald's of course.) It is a little spendy, however, we were so glad he was able to communicate this all on his own.... That it really did not matter how much it cost. Him being able to communicate it was so impressive. He usually says, wherever you want to go, and leaves it like that, so his need is never met as he wasn't able to communicate it properly.

Amanda and Spencer will be making the trip with us. He will be so excited to see them both, so that also is exciting. I don't think that he is aware that they will be there. I am excited to see what today holds for us.

They said that there is a possibility that he might also be able to come home on the 4th of July for a home visit, so I am anxious for that also. Our block has a huge party and we all bring our own meat to bbq, their own beverage and their own plates etc.... Then each person also brings a dish of sort to share. Each family brings some fireworks so when it gets dark, we let them off. I guess it has been a tradition for years here. Last year was our first year to take part since it was our first year here, but Taylor, especially loved it.

Off to get ready to go see Taylor, Amanda and Spencer.