Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Would I change a thing?

Carlie waking from a nap while visiting bub at
the Parry Center.....

This is a spot in our back yard that the owners
before us had a large above ground pool. This
is ours.... Tay, sis and Dad........

I have received questions from time to time if I could go back and change Tay, would I? That is a double edged sword. My first answer would be yes, in a heart beat. I think that both Gordy and myself just cringe at the hardships that our son has faced, and we know that this is not going to change anytime soon. We love him and we want him to flourish and we want him to be happy, and healthy. For us, I think that happy and healthy both go hand in hand. So yes, to save my son from this, what mother or father wouldn't want this.

BUT.... and this is a BIG BUT

On the other hand, NEVER would I change him if it were for myself or for our family. God made Taylor; Taylor! He is who he is. His wires of his brain aren't attached the same as ours are (so to speak and for the purpose of a visual only...) If I were to wish that differently a couple of things would take place. First of all, I feel like I would be saying that Taylor wasn't good enough, and that is so far from the truth. Also, God gives us blessings. Taylor is one of our three blessings. Who would I be to say that this blessing was less than a miracle or miraculous? Who would I be to deny that God had this plan for Taylor by forming him in my womb? I believe that this child of mine is such a gift, and such a blessing and I will love him through his strengths and his weaknesses.

One scripture in the bible that my mind often wonders to when I think of God entrusting this young man's life to us, Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. That touches my heart and soul so very much. God knows Taylor's future. I think that He also knew that Gordy would be the perfect dad for our son when his biological father failed him. There was a plan.

There are days that putting one step in front of the other for me is difficult. Sometimes I just DON'T want to. I then think of our kids needing us, and I know that I must.

I love my son. I want his happiness to surpass his confusion. I want to be by his side the whole way. God is guiding us, Gordy, the girls and I, even when it feels like we are adrift at sea, meeting the crashing waves against our ship... but we keep our eyes to the heavens and to the shore, where our son is.

Blessings to all of our family and friends (who are also our family). With all of the changes about to occur for our son, we know that there may be some regressions about to take place. Please put him in your prayers and keep us there too. A strong person knows when to ask for prayer, and I know we will need each of them.

1 comment:

Casdok said...

I am asked this question to. And like you all i want for my son is to be happy and healthy.
Prayers for you all at this difficult time.