Saturday, June 21, 2008

Christ, I give you my son

I have sat here today in such a rush. I just feel antsy, and jittery. I am a mother with a broken heart for her son. I am a mother who is worried for my son. I am a mother who has had to take control to make sure that my son's disability is something that is no longer missed by specialists or doctors, or teachers or anyone. Sometimes I don't like myself too much when I have to take control as much, as I know the thoughts running through other's heads... that I am a *B* ! I will gladly wear the name if that is what it takes to get him the help, but it is still not too fun when you know what kind of person you really are.

I saw Taylor smile twice yesterday. Not the fake ones he does to get his picture taken, but the kind that you see the light in his eyes. It touches my heart so much to see that light.

I know biblically people have had to sacrifice their child as you asked them to. What a hard task. I don't know if I am there yet God. I can't lie as you are always aware of what is really in my heart. I could not take my son to the alter and walk away knowing he was going to die.

What I can do is put every ounce of faith that anyone can have in you, Christ. I know you are going to help my son. It might be through doctors really getting some great medications for Taylor. It might be by finding Taylor a great residential living. It might be you healing him. It might be giving him enough social and living skills he could remain at home. It could be Taylor making some friends his own age that are great influences. God I don't know your plan, but I trust it. I trust you. I trust the path that not only will you be taking Taylor on, but my whole family.

May your grace live through me somehow. God, let us reach as many people as we can and educate on autism and people with special needs. Often they are forgotten, and then they feel broken or thrown away.

Bless Amanda on her goals to get the vacation planned. Let people open their hearts and hear the love she has for her brother, so they order baked goods from her. I know once again you have a plan. She gets discouraged. She feels like she needs to do this. Let her know how special she is God.

Bless our family. Keep our unit whole and safe during this time of sadness and heart ache. Help me overcome my depression and health issues at hand. Help me sleep and feel rested.

Tonight, touch my son, and let him know he is in my heart today, and always! I will not leave his side no matter how many miles separate us.

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