Sunday, August 31, 2008

Today is the day....

Today is the day that we go to meet the family that run the transitional home that Tay will be living in until he is 18 years old. I have known this day is coming, yet, I want to put my head under the covers and just not deal with it. How is that for honesty? I am nervous for him. I am scared. I am confused. I don't feel as focused as I need to be. I NEED TO SNAP OUT OF THIS!!! I don't let him see my fears. I try to encourage him.

Gordy took Taylor by their home yesterday to calm his fears a little bit. Apparently during a talk that they were having, Taylor started to cry. It just breaks my heart for him. I am also afraid that he will start to run when he gets frustrated. I am afraid that he is going to regress. I am afraid that when he runs, he will run to our home, and I will have to answer the door and tell him that he isn't able to be here at that time. Gosh, all of these thoughts run through my head constantly.

Last night we went to get some dinner, just Tay and I. On the way home he wanted to contact his biological grandparents from his paternal side. I don't even have their phone number and it is not listed. It hurts my heart for him. He was asking if he would have foster brothers. I told him this was not a foster home where his parents didn't want him or are abusive towards him, that this is a transitional home, just trying to get him back to our home, where he belongs. I am not sure he knows the difference, as his brain isn't exactly wired to understand more complicated things at times.

I am nervous in the back of my head, that since Taylor is not in a lock down facility such as the Parry Center that he is in for medical treatment, that he will start to run again. I am afraid of his dangerous behaviors. I am afraid of him making poor choices in friends again as they are waiting for someone weak like Taylor in decision making. How could people be so cruel? It simply amazes me.

Please keep my family in prayer. We want all that is good for our son. We want him to be happy and healthy and productive and safe. I am so afraid right now. I don't want to cry, as I am afraid as soon as that happens, I won't be able to stop crying. If God would just let me take some of this confusion for him, or let me take some of the hurt for him, I would in a second.

I asked God if everything was going to be ok for Taylor, to give me a sign. All of a sudden a beautiful blue bird landed on our deck and sang for about 5 minutes, and he sang LOUD. I am not sure that this is a sign or not... but in my heart I want to accept it as a sign. His discharge meeting is supposed to happen on the 11th of the month. He is supposed to be discharges as soon as the 15th of the month. I have court that day. Just keep us close to prayer please. I am most worried about Taylor of course.

1 comment:

Casdok said...

Oh i do hope you like the family. What a difficult time for you all. Im glad the bluebird sang to you.
You are in my preyers.