Sunday, September 7, 2008

Larry and Renee

We went last week to meet the transitional home that Taylor will be living in. (sorry for my lack of blogging as I am working so much overtime). It was a really difficult morning for all of us. It really was scary, the unknown.

We met with them and Amanda went with us, as well as Carlie. We felt Taylor should be surrounded by his immediate family. It was hard for Amanda and it broke my heart. It was hard on all of us, but especially Amanda. There were many tears shed.

What do I think of the Tylers? I think that they love children. I think that they have a life calling to help children with special needs. They are kind and gentle spoken. They are knowledgeable. They are on the same page as we are. They are on the page of the good people.

We spoke a bit about Taylor and his behaviors and needs. To be honest, it is hard. It is hard that this is my baby that I love, and that my husband loves. He is our son. Here we are relinquishing our son to the care of another set of people. Taylor wasn't sure what to call them. I told him that he is more than welcome to call them mom and dad if that is comfortable to him. As I said those words, my brain and my heart were working against each other to be honest. Logically, the word mom being called to another woman, it is all right, but as for emotionally, that does hurt my heart. That is my son that I carried for 9 months and raised for 17 years. He is my only son. He is my boy, my buddy, who my heart worries about most in life, and here, I say, yes, it is okay to call her mom. Yet, there was such a relief to him. His mind doesn't have to battle itself in what to call them or if it is going to hurt my feelings, or if it is going to make them upset. It gave him permission to relax, and when he is feeling confused, he can't relax. Will him calling her mom reflect on the way that I love him or how he loves me? Surely not. Nothing can change history. He is always going to be my son. He is always going to be our son. He will always love his dad as his dad and me as his mom. I am a firm believer that nobody will be hurt by more people loving them. He is going to be loved by more. It kind of goes back to the saying it takes a village to raise a child.

As always keep my family and my son lifted in prayer please. We can always use them. Prayer is the greatest power in our lives. Amanda really needs the prayers also as she is really battling this in her mind. She loves him so much. It would be one thing if we were bad people and our son was taken from us due to abuse or neglect, but that is surely not the case. We are choosing to let him go to get help.


Casdok said...

I can understand i how difficult this was. But am glad the Tylers are good people.
Hugs and prayers for you all.

Jen said...

It sounds like they are good people.

Your courage in telling Taylor that he can call them mom and dad speaks a lot about what kind of person you are. Words are just words- I doubt if he has any doubt about who his "real" family are, but it takes a lot of guts to let go of the word "Mom".

Love and hugs to all of you- my thoughts are with you.