Tuesday, June 24, 2008

This Child of Mine By Sally Meyer

This Child of Mine....

This little child of mine
who is he?
where did he come from
and why is he mine?

I often sit and wonder
at the closing of the day
who trusted me
with this little one
who sent him here to stay?

This little child
who breaks my heart
yet fills it with such joy
what great thing have I done
to have this little boy?

When my tears run freely
joy and sadness mingled
what a mixture,
a blending of such emotion
who gave me this little child
and why am I so blessed?

I pray at night for answers
and call out in the dark
Thank you for this little child
whoever he may be,
he came from some unknown star
to bless and comfort me.

Autism is not the end of the World. . . . just
the beginning of a new one.

copyright. 1999. Sally Meyer

I found this wonderful poem on the net by Sally Meyer and it is so true. Through the heartache there is so much love for my son, knowing his trials and tribulations, and the rough, rocky, bumpy road ahead. There is also so much hope and so much admiration for my son.

Today, I was sitting here missing both of the men in my life. My son in the hospital and my husband is in California visiting with his family with our baby. It just lets my mind drift back to when they first met. Taylor liked Gordy so much and called him Gordman. He would rush home from Kindergarten and want to immediately call him. He wanted that connection as a young boy. He had my dad, and my brothers in his life, but he wanted someone to himself and he found that in Gordy.

I remember a night when my daycare closed. I was a single parent, and to find a daycare open at night to work my job, it was tough. Gordy would take the kids to his dorm room at the college and watch them for me. He would take them to the dining hall and they would think that was so cool (for Pete's sake, it was cafe food.... not a gourmet meal)... but to them... it was everything. He would take them to Jack in the Box. They were spoiled from day one with him as they got so much attention from not only him, but his students. After working and coming to pick them up, I expected to find Gordy in bed sleeping. There he was in his recliner. He had been crying, and I knew it was going to be that moment when he broke up with me.... why else would he be so sad? I asked what was wrong, and prepared myself. I know I started crying too, as I really was falling in love with this man. He looked at me and said, your kids asked me to be their dad tonight. My heart sank.... not only was this going to scare him off, it was going to break their little hearts. UGGGGGG! Oh crud here it comes. His mouth was opening and I started to feel sick to my stomach. *How do I deserve their love?* Those are the words that came from his mouth? He didn't believe in himself as a person that the kids would love. How could they NOT love him? I am amazed at the love that the kids have grown and built with Gordy. Different loves... they love him for reasons and me for totally other reasons.

I get this ping in my heart when I think of their relationships. I think that there are times that we all forget that he isn't biologically their dad. Seeing him go to the schools to advocate for Taylor. Seeing him look for things that they really like and are interested in. You can see his protective side when they are hurt or confused.

I am blessed. I am truly blessed! Carlie adds so much to that element also, so with that, we are blessed to be a family unit. Even in really cruddy and confusing times, we are a unit, we are united and we are one.


Casdok said...

I havent seen that posm before, its lovely.

Didi said...

What a special man you have there!! The love that your whole family shares is just amazing to me.