Thursday, July 3, 2008

Would I lead the same path of life again to get here?

I have had much on my mind, and much on my plate in the past couple year and a half or so. I start going over things in my mind over and over again, thinking, what could I have changed to have been a better person, a better mom? Would I choose that road again? Would I do it all over again? Am I satisfied where I am at? Did I learn the lessons that needed to be learned?

My answers often times confuse me. If there were easier roads, then wouldn't I just naturally want to take that road? I wish that I were the type of person that could say yes... that would be so much less stressful, let me take the easy way out next time.

Yet, I am not that person. I am the person that often times would and will take the harder road even to this day if there is a lesson or a moral behind it that I can not only learn, but hopefully pass onto others that might need that in the future.

I then look at Taylor and I think, what about him? He doesn't really understand things that we do, so I do want the road that is easier for him. I want to mother him and tell people to leave him alone and I want to put the pieces together for him. I know, however, with all the wisdom of being his mom and his number one fan, that I would surely fail my son if that was the way it were to be. I can't learn his lessons for him (damn it as I would it a minute if I could).

You hold these babies in your arms and you see them for the first time, and they take your breath away. They are the greatest gift that we will ever have in our lives. They are these little bundle of hopes and dreams and pure love. Raw love, that you will do anything to protect. My friends often called me mama bear when there were issues, and the kids tried to handle them on their own when it was with a teacher or people of that nature that wouldn't listen to them or push their feelings to the side, the mama bear in me would come out. I hope it was in a good way, and not a negative way. We as parents sometimes forget that we need to advocate for our children. We need to realize that their voices will sometimes go unheard unless we are there to make it heard. Just simply calling a meeting and making sure you are there to sit next to them, somehow makes people stop and listen.

The only regrets I feel in life that one might have or want to change in life, is making sure we right our wrongs. If we mess up in life, it is a heavy burden to carry on our backs. I think that when we learn that things were done improperly, we as adults, as caring people need to say whoa, I really messed up. I most likely caused you some grief and some sort of turmoil in your life and I want to make that right. I for one, am going to be one that I hope gets my apologies done before I am on my way to check out.

Tay, I will always be the mom I think that you deserve. I will always be your biggest fan. I will always speak the words I think you are trying to say when you can't say them. If I ever get that wrong, you WON'T HURT MY FEELINGS to correct me. I will always be here for you, in good times, and not so fun times. I will be here in times that I miss you like there is no tomorrow, and on the days where you laugh your butt off and aren't really sure why. I will listen to your stories about pokemon and dragster cars and hot rods. I will listen to how you love roller coasters. I will tell you that favorite story one more time (as many times as you like) how I went over the rainbow to get a pot of gold and the leprechauns gave me a choice of a pot of gold or you, and I went home with you. I will tell you the story time and time again how I hid pickled herring in Uncle Troy's salad at Uncle Jared's wedding and when he bit into it he started swearing (good times!) ! I will listen to you tell me how you think Uncle Troy is so cool when he tells you to stop running in and out of the house because he isn't raising monkeys from the zoo. It's all good buddy. We will get through this together and there is going to be no regrets, just great life lessons. Isn't that what we really grow from, life lessons?

To the moon and back, only 16 hours left to see you Mister! Can't wait. Mama is going to be a cooking fool today and tomorrow morning when you get here I can just spend time with you with no worries or anything to take me away from our time. I am sure you are excited to get home too. It has been a long time, but you have worked so hard for this. I am so proud of you son.

Oh, and dad said you can put up the tent trailer tomorrow night to sleep in and you boys can sleep out there, or all of us, whatever you want.
Always your mama~

Autism Tip of the Day: Many children or people that have autism, which is a disability, may have a dual diagnosis of other things that are going on also. Our son for example has ODD which is called Oppositional Defiant Disorder. As per mayo clinic . com, this is their definition of this mental health condition. Taylor doesn't do this to be bad, just the way, once again that he is built and wired, so to speak.

Even the best-behaved children can be difficult and challenging at times. Teens are often moody and argumentative. But if your child or teen has a persistent pattern of tantrums, arguing, and angry or disruptive behaviors toward you and other authority figures, he or she may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). As many as one in 10 children may have oppositional defiant disorder in a lifetime.

Treatment of oppositional defiant disorder involves therapy and possibly medications to treat related mental health conditions. As a parent, you don't have to go it alone in trying to manage a child with oppositional defiant disorder. Doctors, counselors and child development experts can help you learn specific strategies to address oppositional defiant disorder.

1 comment:

Didi said...

Our son Jeffrey also had ODD. Finding this out really helped me to not take all the hard times we had before he had to move out of our home personally. He just needed more help and structure than he could get here. It is so hard sometimes to look back on those last months...but knowing it wasn't HIM but the ODD that was acting at that time.