Music to Listen to while browsing out blog

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Thanks for asking the update on Tay's funds

And Let there be jerky!

We have so much jerky! Please, if you are in the area and are wanting to buy some jerky, we have it. It is all sealed and we just purchased it from a dealer at wholesale. We got a good enough break on the prices that we are able to also pass some savings onto you. It is Oberto jerky and we have tons of jerky. Our biggest seller so far is for weight watchers people as we have packages that only have 100 calories. In the store they sell for $1.99. We are able to sell them for $1.25, which is a big savings for people. That is a 40% savings. Buy 10 or more packs and the price goes down to $1.00 each. We have other varieties also, but this is our biggest seller.

As for now, I just unloaded the van and I am so tired. A full van load unloaded, and working a full day, and I should be going to bed now.

Thanks so much. Please spread the word to all you know. This is going to most likely finish our fund raising to get our Taylor to Disneyland, and other attractions in Southern California.

Hope you had a fun weekend Taylor!

No music today, as playlist is down for some reason!!! Bummer!

We had Taylor over the weekend but our time went by entirely too fast!!! It bums me out. But, none the less we did have a great time with him.

On Friday when he got home, he decided he needed to wash the van with his little sister while Gordy got some things done with our trailer. We were set to go on a family reunion with my family, but my mom called on Thursday to say she had to cancel it. Big bummer in our eyes as we were looking forward to seeing each other.

We then ran down and grabbed some pizza and headed to Amanda and Spence's to help get some tags done for Kathleen and Garrett's wedding that is this Thursday. We were busy working. Tay had to take his meds before we left so, as hard as he tried, he was out in about a half hour after getting there. We didn't get home until after midnight from getting her tags completed.

On Saturday we had to run to DMV to get his State ID card. I was totally upset with the way they treated him. He had to sign his name on the machine. Well, due to his autism, his fine motor skills aren't the best. The line was small and they asked him to sign his full name. It really got him nervous and you could clearly see that on his face. He kept trying but he was not able to get it all in on that line. As hard as he tried. The lady said, come on now, this shouldn't take this long. He started to get really agitated. She then told him to write his first and middle name on the line but his last name underneath. He kept trying. His meds make his hands shake, so each time his knuckle would hit the screen it would erase his signature. The lady made another smart ass comment and you could just see defeat across his face. I kept telling him that he could come back later, let's go to the store and come back (we needed the ID card to take back to his unit) and he got really upset and disappointed in himself. I finally looked at the lady and told her to cool it, by lipping it to her. I then slipped a note to her that he was autistic and that she should be a bit more professional. Why should I have to do things like that? It is so sad!

We then went into Vancouver WA to enjoy a Hawaiian Festival. It is our second year to attend. It is a great event and I recommend it to everyone. The lady that runs it is a very nice lady. She has two sons that usually sing at it. They are very talented. Their name is Brothers Kaloku and Keawe. However, one of the brothers just got a new job and was not able to be there. I was so looking forward to Kaloku and his friends to perform but Taylor got too anxious being there. I tried to prolong our departure as long as I could, but he just couldn't make it long enough. You can view them on myspace at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=142770684. Their mom also has a myspace at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=40392237

These are good people, check them out for sure!!!! I think that the gentlemen actually sell CD's if I recall as I want to buy one also!!!

There is also a FANTASTIC LADY who runs a shave ice stand. That is how we have gotten interested in these events, and the talented sons, and hula classes, is through the lady that runs the shaved ice stand. Ululani's shave ice! THE BEST! However, I really think that some of the goodness of the shaved ice is the kindness that she shows others.

So, all in all a great weekend. Anytime you are surrounded by the aloha spirit, how could you go wrong? Whenever we have our son with him, if even for a short time, what a great thing. Keep us in prayer.

Would I lead the same path of life again to get here?

I have had much on my mind, and much on my plate in the past couple year and a half or so. I start going over things in my mind over and over again, thinking, what could I have changed to have been a better person, a better mom? Would I choose that road again? Would I do it all over again? Am I satisfied where I am at? Did I learn the lessons that needed to be learned?

My answers often times confuse me. If there were easier roads, then wouldn't I just naturally want to take that road? I wish that I were the type of person that could say yes... that would be so much less stressful, let me take the easy way out next time.

Yet, I am not that person. I am the person that often times would and will take the harder road even to this day if there is a lesson or a moral behind it that I can not only learn, but hopefully pass onto others that might need that in the future.

I then look at Taylor and I think, what about him? He doesn't really understand things that we do, so I do want the road that is easier for him. I want to mother him and tell people to leave him alone and I want to put the pieces together for him. I know, however, with all the wisdom of being his mom and his number one fan, that I would surely fail my son if that was the way it were to be. I can't learn his lessons for him (damn it as I would it a minute if I could).

You hold these babies in your arms and you see them for the first time, and they take your breath away. They are the greatest gift that we will ever have in our lives. They are these little bundle of hopes and dreams and pure love. Raw love, that you will do anything to protect. My friends often called me mama bear when there were issues, and the kids tried to handle them on their own when it was with a teacher or people of that nature that wouldn't listen to them or push their feelings to the side, the mama bear in me would come out. I hope it was in a good way, and not a negative way. We as parents sometimes forget that we need to advocate for our children. We need to realize that their voices will sometimes go unheard unless we are there to make it heard. Just simply calling a meeting and making sure you are there to sit next to them, somehow makes people stop and listen.

The only regrets I feel in life that one might have or want to change in life, is making sure we right our wrongs. If we mess up in life, it is a heavy burden to carry on our backs. I think that when we learn that things were done improperly, we as adults, as caring people need to say whoa, I really messed up. I most likely caused you some grief and some sort of turmoil in your life and I want to make that right. I for one, am going to be one that I hope gets my apologies done before I am on my way to check out.

Tay, I will always be the mom I think that you deserve. I will always be your biggest fan. I will always speak the words I think you are trying to say when you can't say them. If I ever get that wrong, you WON'T HURT MY FEELINGS to correct me. I will always be here for you, in good times, and not so fun times. I will be here in times that I miss you like there is no tomorrow, and on the days where you laugh your butt off and aren't really sure why. I will listen to your stories about pokemon and dragster cars and hot rods. I will listen to how you love roller coasters. I will tell you that favorite story one more time (as many times as you like) how I went over the rainbow to get a pot of gold and the leprechauns gave me a choice of a pot of gold or you, and I went home with you. I will tell you the story time and time again how I hid pickled herring in Uncle Troy's salad at Uncle Jared's wedding and when he bit into it he started swearing (good times!) ! I will listen to you tell me how you think Uncle Troy is so cool when he tells you to stop running in and out of the house because he isn't raising monkeys from the zoo. It's all good buddy. We will get through this together and there is going to be no regrets, just great life lessons. Isn't that what we really grow from, life lessons?

To the moon and back, only 16 hours left to see you Mister! Can't wait. Mama is going to be a cooking fool today and tomorrow morning when you get here I can just spend time with you with no worries or anything to take me away from our time. I am sure you are excited to get home too. It has been a long time, but you have worked so hard for this. I am so proud of you son.

Oh, and dad said you can put up the tent trailer tomorrow night to sleep in and you boys can sleep out there, or all of us, whatever you want.
Always your mama~

Autism Tip of the Day: Many children or people that have autism, which is a disability, may have a dual diagnosis of other things that are going on also. Our son for example has ODD which is called Oppositional Defiant Disorder. As per mayo clinic . com, this is their definition of this mental health condition. Taylor doesn't do this to be bad, just the way, once again that he is built and wired, so to speak.

Even the best-behaved children can be difficult and challenging at times. Teens are often moody and argumentative. But if your child or teen has a persistent pattern of tantrums, arguing, and angry or disruptive behaviors toward you and other authority figures, he or she may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). As many as one in 10 children may have oppositional defiant disorder in a lifetime.

Treatment of oppositional defiant disorder involves therapy and possibly medications to treat related mental health conditions. As a parent, you don't have to go it alone in trying to manage a child with oppositional defiant disorder. Doctors, counselors and child development experts can help you learn specific strategies to address oppositional defiant disorder.

In This Life

This song sums it up for the way I feel for not only my wonderful and handsome son, but my devoted husband, and my two beautiful daughters. This song is sung by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Dear Bubby, from Carlie

Me dancing for mommy last week.




Me doing hula at the concert on Saturday

Dear Bubby,

Hurry up and come home to visit me. I am missing you very much. I ask mom and dad about you every single day and we talk about you. You are a really good brother and I really, really love you lots. If you were here, I would give you a big face hug. I can't wait to play with you for the 4th of July. We are going to have so much fun. I pray for you every night. Love you~ Carlie PS I made mom buy us some capri suns, popsicles and fruit snacks for when you come visit. It is going to be so fun, just like before you went to the hospital and we shared treats.

Mom and dad put my little pool up in the back
corner of the yard where they are going to put the
garden next year. I want it on the grass but they say
it will kill the grass...

This is where I was out playing on the
playground in the back yard and the
sprinkle got me wet. I was so mad. This
is after the fit I threw.

Sometimes there are just angels amoung us....

Even when we don't realize it, God works in our lives in such wonderful and enriching ways. Today I had a very nice young lady come to my home to pick up a baby item that sis was selling to earn money for Tay's vacation. When she pulled up, it was like a breath of fresh air. Diversity! Since my depression and having to take a break from work, I have not been able to focus as much on all of the really important things in my life. I so love the diversity part of my life and what we teach our kids. There are not too many people in our area that are not caucasion. Not that being caucasion is all that bad, mind you... but I just strive for difference and long for striving to piece us all together as humans. I feel segregated at times when there isn't the diversity in my life and that is the last thing that I want.

Here stands this sweet, nice, and very sincere young lady that just had it all together. I was busy getting things done around the house and looked a mess.... and she didn't bat an eye. We talked about our kids and our husbands and our jobs, and religion. Imagine this all in a 10 minute time frame, well... okay maybe 15 minutes. It just touched my heart so.

I really believe God put her in my life today to lift my spirits and I am thankful for that. She even put an extra $15 towards Taylor's vacation fund. That touches me so....

Megan, if you keep up with my blogging, please know you touched my heart.

Do we ever throw ourselves away?

I think that with life, it is so easy to simply throw ourselves away. I think that it is easy to set expectations that are too high for ourselves and when we don't reach those expectations, we throw away our feelings and desires as if we are a piece of trash or a piece of garbage. I feel like we need to take to heart that WE ARE WORTH IT, just because.

This really doesn't have anything to do with me, but in reality it has to do with all of us. I believe that at times we just lose ourselves. I feel like the outside world puts little labels to us, just as I label my blogs... and we take those labels to heart. We try to pretend that they don't hurt our feelings but we know, deep down it does.

I think of my kids in these situations. We want to protect them from all of that, and especially when they are disabled. I feel that Taylor has just lost faith in himself at times. I feel that with all of the kids and I try to always teach them they can do what they put their minds to. I guess with autism, it is hard to connect the pieces anyway, so does he really understand what I am saying?

I want to lead by example for my kids. I am going to try to not worry about what others think of me. I will make all of my dreams come true. Most of them have, just by having them in my life. Yet, there are always dreams we have for ourselves.

I will not let others let me throw myself away, and I will not let others accomplish that by letting my kids feel like they are thrown away.