I can't wait to hug you today buddy!

I am so excited. I know that I will get to see Taylor tonight when my husband brings him home. That is always a day I look forward to during the week. I think that our daughter Amanda and her boyfriend are going to take him to the fair this weekend on Saturday. I am sure he will love that.

I have a lot of jerky to sell this weekend. My friend Sandie is helping us. I also need to figure out a place that we will be selling the Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. We will do that in September....

On my way out the door for work now.... blessings to all...

Music to Listen to while browsing out blog

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Come on Tay... keep it together buddy! You can do this!

Another day of horrible outbursts for Taylor. It just breaks my heart. He was doing so well. Each night at about this same time, he is having really bad outbursts at the center. This is the fourth night this week. This terrifies me. I am not sure if it is his medications or if it is the fact that his therapist has gone to a new job, or C) none of the above. All I know is that Taylor is regressing and this is not a good thing. I didn't sleep one wink last night, just sitting up worrying about him.

I am not sure if he will be able to come home tomorrow or not. I was looking forward to seeing him. I just wish I could understand, if for only one second, how his brain thinks. It is terrifying to me. I want to protect him from things that are going to hurt him. I want to protect him from himself. Just when he seems to have most of the rage under control, he regresses.

They say it is at the same time of night each night, so perhaps it has to do with meds. I am not sure what it is, but I just know I am him mom and I want nothing other than for him to be ok.

Sorry for the lack of keeping this up lately!

Our lives are thrust into the FAST lane! With being back to work and very little time to take care of myself when I get home let alone my family, leaves very little time to blog. We get to spend time with Taylor on the weekend so I am also occupied at that time too. I am not complaining as that is what I want. I love my time with the kids together. That is what being a mother is.

Gordy goes in on Friday for a follow up with Marion County New Solutions on Friday. I am not sure if his DD worker will be there or not. We are anxious to find out if there is going to be alternative placement for him. He is anxious for that also.

It is a bit ironic to be honest. The two homes that harbored him when he would run, both families have moved now. Well, not officially... one has moved and the other one has their home for sale. Why oh why could they have not moved before last year and just have left my son alone. I really do think that they had a lot to do with him getting so out of control with his behaviors this past year. I know meds also had a lot to do with it.

Tay earned a scooter at the center and he is so proud of it. It is wood also on the platform where you put your feet. He loves it. He brought it home this past weekend. He enjoys it...

This weekend he will be home for four days... well, three basically. Gordy will pick him up on Friday. We will get him for the weekend. Then on Monday I will need to take him to the dentist and orthodontist, and then run him back to Portland. I am not too fond of driving in the traffic in Portland, but have done it several times during his hospitalizations.

Just wanted to update everyone. Sorry again, I am really trying! Thanks for visiting our sponsors too.

Thanks for asking the update on Tay's funds

And Let there be jerky!

We have so much jerky! Please, if you are in the area and are wanting to buy some jerky, we have it. It is all sealed and we just purchased it from a dealer at wholesale. We got a good enough break on the prices that we are able to also pass some savings onto you. It is Oberto jerky and we have tons of jerky. Our biggest seller so far is for weight watchers people as we have packages that only have 100 calories. In the store they sell for $1.99. We are able to sell them for $1.25, which is a big savings for people. That is a 40% savings. Buy 10 or more packs and the price goes down to $1.00 each. We have other varieties also, but this is our biggest seller.

As for now, I just unloaded the van and I am so tired. A full van load unloaded, and working a full day, and I should be going to bed now.

Thanks so much. Please spread the word to all you know. This is going to most likely finish our fund raising to get our Taylor to Disneyland, and other attractions in Southern California.

The next step...

Yesterday we met with Blanca from DD services and also with Danielle, and Tami from New Solutions. We had a telephone conference with Jessie, Felicia and the Doctor from the Perry Center. The meeting went well and I really feel God is leading us to the right people, once again. This last set of trials and tribulations has gone much smoother than we have experienced in the past. (God is hearing my prayers, and I think He saw our cups were full!) So, Blanca will be responsible for finding our son a group home to move into. He is doing so well at the center, but he is doing so well, they are fearful that if he is not moved, he will regress into some older behaviors. None of us want that for him. Taylor also really wants to go. This is a HUGE deal, as Taylor never wants to go. He gets comfortable and change is so difficult for him. He is so proud of his accomplishments, in which he should be. With that in mind, they don't think, nor do we, that he is ready to be thrust into his environment here at home. With Car being young and throwing fits, and his sensory disorder, we think that will be a HUGE trigger for him to regression. He still has more goals he is wanting to reach, and we want somewhere to do this, that he will be safe and happy in.

Gordy is so knowledgeable and just keeps a great outlook on it. We are doing this to help our son. At times I need his strength, as I know, this is what is best for our son. However, I get really scared. I get really nervous. I get really concerned. I get, as silly as this sounds, really jealous and feel helpless. He is my son, I want to be the one helping him. Yet, he will be in a home in a smaller setting, and the caregiver mom will be making his dinners, and getting to see those big brown eyes each day. I try to clear my thoughts of that, yet, in reality it is really hard.

Today is today, and I am going to make today as good as I can, even when these thoughts make it difficult for me. Today is all I can work on. The important thing in all of this is that my son is safe and that he is building life skills to give him a successful life full of happiness. That is where I am at today.

A cry baby miss you day! An I am so proud of you kind of day!

I miss you today son! That doesn't change from day to day, however, some days are worse than others.

Tomorrow is our anniversary, and I have been going through my mind, time and time again what a precious and special day that was for our family. It wasn't just about dad and I, but it was about all of us coming together as a unit. Man we lucked out when we found dad didn't we.

My mind jumps from moment to moment of that day. You playing basketball in your tux, sis hating to wear her shoes; all of our family together including both mom and dad's siblings and parents, aunties and uncles. I just keep thinking back to when we had lit the unity candle, and the music was playing. It seemed like forever. We looked over at you and you were just crying. My heart just filled with so much love for you. You were so excited to be getting a great dad. You were such a little man, but this really touched your heart, which in return made dad and I both start crying, and sis, and Kim.

Tomorrow we will celebrate our union together. This is a union of man and wife, but also a union of our unconditional love for our children. Wish you were here for me to give a big hug to. We will be seeing you soon, but until then buddy, to the moon and back. I love you to the moon and back~

Mom!

Uncle Bernie also wrote today. I shared with him and Uncle Ryan the incident that happened the other day. He was so proud of you son! You are so lucky to have such neat people in your life that support you in your efforts to be the best person you can be. It made me cry reading Uncle Bernie's words. They love you too son.

We had a great day with Taylor. He came home on Friday night. However, he didn't want to hang out with mom and dad. (Go figure)! He wanted to go be with his sister, Amanda, and her boyfriend Spencer, and his friends. There was a part of me that wanted to be stingy with the time I had planned for him, but I didn't think that would be fair. So the carne asada and asian chicken salad went without Tay eating it with us. Dad took him to McDonald's on the way... (his favorite). He got a happy meal. Almost 18, still wanting happy meals for the toys. Most of the time, it just makes me smile as I know it is a part of his obsessions due to his autism. His sister also had bought a pizza for them. They watched a movie together. She texted not too terribly long after he got there. He actually had to take his meds before he left, so he was so tired. G left immediately to go pick him up after the text came through. When he picked up Taylor, he asked me to put the sheets on the beds in the tent trailer as he thought Taylor was going to fall asleep.

He got home, and he went into the tent trailer, laid on his bed and he was out within three minutes. It reminds me of him when he was little and he could sleep through everything. Now, he has such a tough time sleeping without the pills.

On Saturday morning, I took him to a couple of garage sales as he loves to go to them. He was out digging through things, and it was like having him home again. I wanted to get him to Walgreen's though as he really wanted some photos to take back to the hospital with him. He ended up taking Carlie to the toy section as he was getting antsy.

We went home and got ready to take him back into Portland. We went to Uyagimias in Beaverton, as he wanted to go. I looked for something small but meaningful to give G for our 8th anniversary which is on Tuesday. I didn't find anything. The store was pretty slow, so that made it nice. It was also cooler in there, as it was 92* yesterday.

We went to an international celebration on the East side of Portland. I was nervous as I can't do crowds. It was nice as it was really slow. I didn't see the diversity there. I saw two food booths, one being kettle corn. I did see some dancers from the islands, but other than that, I only saw one other booth that had anything to do with diversity. UGGGG! Not a great event, but great to be with all my kids at once. Carlie ended up getting a bloody nose from the heat, and really dirty feet if that counts.

As we were driving in Portland, Gordy thought that he saw our friend Alex. Alex was a student at OSU when Gordy worked there. He worked in Gordy's office. He had the most fun personality and he quickly became a part of our family, and would join us for Thanksgiving at our home a couple of times. He has matured into a fine young man now. He used to live in Portland, but, from what we know, he lives in LA now. The kids loved that his number to call him was ---/905-POOP. They always wanted to call him. Anyhow, we then thought perhaps he was in town visiting, but we couldn't catch up. Almost made our day even brighter.

In two weeks we will be back in Portland for the Hawaiian Festival in Vancouver. It will be fun. All in all, it was a great day with Taylor, Amanda and Carlie.

Oh, there was an outburst on the unit the other day. Someone was trying to target him (they do this by trying to get the others to lose their temper, then they get bumped down a level) and called him a very derogatory name for two males that love each other. Taylor did INDEED lose it, and had to leave the unit to cool himself down so he didn't do anything that he would regret. He kept his cool enough, and I am not sure if it was during the outburst, or if it was when he returned after his walk, but... HE STOOD up for gay couples. My son stood up for what he believed in, which is diversity. He said that he had really good friends that love each other and it makes him mad when people call them horrible names.

WAY TO GO BUDDY! You keep doing it! Keep standing up for what you believe in. Words are always better than getting mad, but just know you are more of a person for standing up for your beliefs and dad, sis and I are SOOOOOO proud of you. We know that sometimes it is hard to speak our minds when we know others might make fun of us or try to belittle us, but who cares. They are the small minded people! I know, that you on that day, made some of your counselors sit back and say, Man, Tay is cool, did you see how he handled that?! He stood up for what he believed in. Many adults don't have the capability, so you doing this shows how mature you are and how much you care for your good friends!!!!! FANTASTIC!!! That is why we chose this song today.... Say by John Mayer. Say what you need to say!

If someone that is autistic can do it, so can you!

For those that are requesting about donating

When people go above and beyond what is expected....

So, many people don't understand about autism, especially if they have not lived around it their whole life. There are some people that when they hear that Taylor is autistic or has Asperger's Syndrome, they shun away, as they are afraid that they will say something wrong, or that they may have to witness something that is not comfortable. Some people just don't want to try to understand.

My daughter, Amanda, has been dating a young man named Spencer. They have dated for about a year or so. I think that Amanda had probably told him about her brother's needs, but I don't think that he really understood until he started to spend time at our family functions.

So, let's back up. When Taylor get frustrated and runs, or has a melt down.... life stops in our family. It can be for 5 minutes, it can be for 48 hours if Taylor runs and is gone for a couple of days. Immediately one of us calls the police to report a run away and one of us jumps in a car and start the long and grueling search for our son. It is horrifying. It is sad.... at the moment, all you are going on is total adrenaline and it just keeps you going, searching, and wanting to find our son.

Somewhere along the way, Taylor started to listen to his sister much more than he would listen to us. So, the call would always go to her also. Bless his heart, Spencer has dropped things again and again. It is odd to watch or think about. If Taylor sees our car or van, he will run harder, faster, further. If he sees Spence's jeep, he stops like a lost puppy dog and they open the door and he crawls in. Most guys would run from this... most guys would shun this. Spencer steps up to the plate and wants to mentor him. He wants to make a difference. He wants to understand.

Now, most guys would run from this.... especially when they are 23 years old and has a lot filling his life. Spencer has had his feelings hurt over Taylor's actions and behaviors because I don't think that he understood the magnitude of the disability. However, he has sat in hospital waiting rooms, emergency rooms, and has been up til wee hours of the morning staking out parking lots and combing the streets looking for Taylor when there has been another melt down.

This speaks volumes on someones ability to think outside the box. It speaks about the feelings in their heart.

Cheers to Spencer. I know that Taylor loves to hear from him and his sister when he is in the hospital. Sometimes words can't express the thankfulness in the heart. Thank you Spencer, from Taylor, and Taylor's mom and dad....

Autism Tip of the Day: The IAN project to learn and you can give info to help with autism research.