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Another day of horrible outbursts for Taylor. It just breaks my heart. He was doing so well. Each night at about this same time, he is having really bad outbursts at the center. This is the fourth night this week. This terrifies me. I am not sure if it is his medications or if it is the fact that his therapist has gone to a new job, or C) none of the above. All I know is that Taylor is regressing and this is not a good thing. I didn't sleep one wink last night, just sitting up worrying about him.
I am not sure if he will be able to come home tomorrow or not. I was looking forward to seeing him. I just wish I could understand, if for only one second, how his brain thinks. It is terrifying to me. I want to protect him from things that are going to hurt him. I want to protect him from himself. Just when he seems to have most of the rage under control, he regresses.
They say it is at the same time of night each night, so perhaps it has to do with meds. I am not sure what it is, but I just know I am him mom and I want nothing other than for him to be ok.
Our lives are thrust into the FAST lane! With being back to work and very little time to take care of myself when I get home let alone my family, leaves very little time to blog. We get to spend time with Taylor on the weekend so I am also occupied at that time too. I am not complaining as that is what I want. I love my time with the kids together. That is what being a mother is.
Gordy goes in on Friday for a follow up with Marion County New Solutions on Friday. I am not sure if his DD worker will be there or not. We are anxious to find out if there is going to be alternative placement for him. He is anxious for that also.
It is a bit ironic to be honest. The two homes that harbored him when he would run, both families have moved now. Well, not officially... one has moved and the other one has their home for sale. Why oh why could they have not moved before last year and just have left my son alone. I really do think that they had a lot to do with him getting so out of control with his behaviors this past year. I know meds also had a lot to do with it.
Tay earned a scooter at the center and he is so proud of it. It is wood also on the platform where you put your feet. He loves it. He brought it home this past weekend. He enjoys it...
This weekend he will be home for four days... well, three basically. Gordy will pick him up on Friday. We will get him for the weekend. Then on Monday I will need to take him to the dentist and orthodontist, and then run him back to Portland. I am not too fond of driving in the traffic in Portland, but have done it several times during his hospitalizations.
Just wanted to update everyone. Sorry again, I am really trying! Thanks for visiting our sponsors too.
We had a great day with Taylor. He came home on Friday night. However, he didn't want to hang out with mom and dad. (Go figure)! He wanted to go be with his sister, Amanda, and her boyfriend Spencer, and his friends. There was a part of me that wanted to be stingy with the time I had planned for him, but I didn't think that would be fair. So the carne asada and asian chicken salad went without Tay eating it with us. Dad took him to McDonald's on the way... (his favorite). He got a happy meal. Almost 18, still wanting happy meals for the toys. Most of the time, it just makes me smile as I know it is a part of his obsessions due to his autism. His sister also had bought a pizza for them. They watched a movie together. She texted not too terribly long after he got there. He actually had to take his meds before he left, so he was so tired. G left immediately to go pick him up after the text came through. When he picked up Taylor, he asked me to put the sheets on the beds in the tent trailer as he thought Taylor was going to fall asleep.
He got home, and he went into the tent trailer, laid on his bed and he was out within three minutes. It reminds me of him when he was little and he could sleep through everything. Now, he has such a tough time sleeping without the pills.
On Saturday morning, I took him to a couple of garage sales as he loves to go to them. He was out digging through things, and it was like having him home again. I wanted to get him to Walgreen's though as he really wanted some photos to take back to the hospital with him. He ended up taking Carlie to the toy section as he was getting antsy.
We went home and got ready to take him back into Portland. We went to Uyagimias in Beaverton, as he wanted to go. I looked for something small but meaningful to give G for our 8th anniversary which is on Tuesday. I didn't find anything. The store was pretty slow, so that made it nice. It was also cooler in there, as it was 92* yesterday.
We went to an international celebration on the East side of Portland. I was nervous as I can't do crowds. It was nice as it was really slow. I didn't see the diversity there. I saw two food booths, one being kettle corn. I did see some dancers from the islands, but other than that, I only saw one other booth that had anything to do with diversity. UGGGG! Not a great event, but great to be with all my kids at once. Carlie ended up getting a bloody nose from the heat, and really dirty feet if that counts.
As we were driving in Portland, Gordy thought that he saw our friend Alex. Alex was a student at OSU when Gordy worked there. He worked in Gordy's office. He had the most fun personality and he quickly became a part of our family, and would join us for Thanksgiving at our home a couple of times. He has matured into a fine young man now. He used to live in Portland, but, from what we know, he lives in LA now. The kids loved that his number to call him was ---/905-POOP. They always wanted to call him. Anyhow, we then thought perhaps he was in town visiting, but we couldn't catch up. Almost made our day even brighter.
In two weeks we will be back in Portland for the Hawaiian Festival in Vancouver. It will be fun. All in all, it was a great day with Taylor, Amanda and Carlie.
Oh, there was an outburst on the unit the other day. Someone was trying to target him (they do this by trying to get the others to lose their temper, then they get bumped down a level) and called him a very derogatory name for two males that love each other. Taylor did INDEED lose it, and had to leave the unit to cool himself down so he didn't do anything that he would regret. He kept his cool enough, and I am not sure if it was during the outburst, or if it was when he returned after his walk, but... HE STOOD up for gay couples. My son stood up for what he believed in, which is diversity. He said that he had really good friends that love each other and it makes him mad when people call them horrible names.
WAY TO GO BUDDY! You keep doing it! Keep standing up for what you believe in. Words are always better than getting mad, but just know you are more of a person for standing up for your beliefs and dad, sis and I are SOOOOOO proud of you. We know that sometimes it is hard to speak our minds when we know others might make fun of us or try to belittle us, but who cares. They are the small minded people! I know, that you on that day, made some of your counselors sit back and say, Man, Tay is cool, did you see how he handled that?! He stood up for what he believed in. Many adults don't have the capability, so you doing this shows how mature you are and how much you care for your good friends!!!!! FANTASTIC!!! That is why we chose this song today.... Say by John Mayer. Say what you need to say!
If someone that is autistic can do it, so can you!
For the first time since April 24th, yesterday, we were able to take you off hospital grounds. I am so proud of you for being able to be on a high level so long that they let us whisk you away for FOUR GLORIOUS and WONDERFUL hours. I had a great time with you, as well as Big sis, Little sis, Spence and Dad. It means so much to all of us, but it just touches my heart so to see how it means something different to each of us. For me, I feel more complete when my family is all together, as odd as that might sound. When you aren't around, and Mandie isn't living at home due to her having her own house now, it just feels so incomplete at times. But yesterday, we weren't in the room just talking on the couches.... we weren't in your room visiting on your bed. Although I love to go to your garden and see what you are accomplishing with it, and I love going to the gym and watching you high tide and seeing you shoot hoops while Little sis plays hop scotch with Mandie, dad shoots hoops and Spence takes pictures.... yesterday we got to walk on the city streets. We got to go on elevators and escalators and go into stores. You got to help put Carlie in her car seat, and you got lots of hugs from her when we were driving. You got to spend time with Spence and Mandie by yourself. It was so exciting son!
We took you to Todai just like you wanted and this photo makes me smile. There is my Taylor on his third plate of food. You were slowing down on the sushi, but there you have your desserts. Of all the desserts you could have, there you are with green jello. You always have loved jello, and especially that of the green color. Here, you were being a nice brother and letting Carlie have some from your plate. That doesn't surprise me as you always are so good to her and try to take care of her so much.
I am sorry I had to tell you that Grandma Dodie passed away. I know that death affects you even more than it does most people. I would have liked to skip that part of the day all together, but we don't feel like we should lie to you or keep things from you. It is going to be ok.
I am excited that they have said that if you stay at a high level you can come home for a full 24 hours son! Not 4.... 24. I feel now, like I am being stingy. I am feeling like I am getting so spoiled. I keep going over in my mind who will be here. I am thinking of your favorites, what should I make him to eat. What should we do.... I couldn't sleep last night I was so excited.
Just keep on keepin on buddy and do it with a smile whenever you can. Just know you are so loved. I wish you knew all that was going on in our lives, wanting to help you. I am not amazed at how much your sisters love you really, but more, I am amazed at how much they will do to make that so clear. Car is so little but Mandie is going above and beyond.
Today, Taylor gets an outing from the hospital. I am so excited. Some of the excitement is knowing that I get to just see him for the day, but the majority of the excitement is knowing how excited he is at the fact that he gets to leave his unit. There are also some fears that I am having. I am afraid I might say something that will set him off of course. I don't want that. I am afraid of him being around too many people might also set him off of course. However, those thoughts are just in the back of my head. Most of me feels nothing but pure excitement.
We had a benefit yard sale over the weekend. We ended up making a little bit over three hundred dollars, so that is very exciting. We also saved some of the things that didn't sell and we are going to try to sell them on Craigs list, so our earnings might end up at $400. I hope it will be good with the craig's listings.
We went to a Hawaiian concert at World Beat last night which was fun. It was still warm when we went there at about 7, but by the time we left there was a small breeze that felt so nice. I was excited to do something with the family. I did however have some anxiety issues going, and then with Taylor not being there, and being excluded from a family event, it was hard for me also. It seems like times like so are the hardest things to handle at the time.
Back to Taylor getting out for the day. A couple of weeks ago when we discussed him being able to leave in the future, he said, perhaps he would want to go bowling. Then the subject of swimming came up and he was excited for that. Now, he has instead chosen to go to Todai which is a Japanese restaurant in a mall in Portland. That is one of his favorite places to eat (besides McDonald's of course.) It is a little spendy, however, we were so glad he was able to communicate this all on his own.... That it really did not matter how much it cost. Him being able to communicate it was so impressive. He usually says, wherever you want to go, and leaves it like that, so his need is never met as he wasn't able to communicate it properly.
Amanda and Spencer will be making the trip with us. He will be so excited to see them both, so that also is exciting. I don't think that he is aware that they will be there. I am excited to see what today holds for us.
They said that there is a possibility that he might also be able to come home on the 4th of July for a home visit, so I am anxious for that also. Our block has a huge party and we all bring our own meat to bbq, their own beverage and their own plates etc.... Then each person also brings a dish of sort to share. Each family brings some fireworks so when it gets dark, we let them off. I guess it has been a tradition for years here. Last year was our first year to take part since it was our first year here, but Taylor, especially loved it.
Off to get ready to go see Taylor, Amanda and Spencer.
